Ten Ways to Make Two Luckless Fools Fall in Love
by abroadwayluver
Summary: I bet you didn't expect that," Alice drawled as Edward was smacked in the face by a drumstick. Ooo, gravy covered! I really want to lick it off his face-what's with all the homosexual thoughts today! I think I've been hanging around Emmett too much today.
1. 1: Bella

**Yeah, I know, kinda early to start rewriting everything, but I've reread this for like, the sixth time to check for errors and flow and crap that my writing teacher was always going, and I realized I hate this story! So, I've decided to spare you from my bad writing (not really, but...) and restart this story..I hope i dont lose any of you guys. This time, it will not be based on any experiences...jsut w/e i think of to go along with it...Oh, and for all those who reviewed or added me to the auther alert, story alert, or favorite story thing, youll be thanked further on...I'm sorry this isn't an update but, I'll post the second chapter as soon, as possible, I promise. BUT I DIGRESS! Now, lets get on with this...  
**

* * *

"Hey babe!"

"Edward, I have to tell you something important. You. Are. A. Manwhore. Now, I know the news must be devastating to you, so I jsut want to let you know that we can get you help. First off-"

"Now now Bella, my lovely little sharky, do i detect a hint of jealousy?"

"I would have to be insane to be jealous of those poor, air-headed girls."

"Oh come on, no one can resist my sexiness!" Edward then proceeded to strike a pose, getting a look on his face which suggested he smelled something bad.

"You know, Easy, if someone did this," I said as I titled my head to the right and squinted, looking overtly retarded, "you could be considered passably cute. Passably."

"Your words doth cut me like a knife." I started giggling and we went off to our next class, science with Mrs. Golden, otherwise known as the epitome of evil. Edward, or "Easy" as I called him (which was a reference to his willingness to flirt with anything that has two legs) and I have all six classes together at Forks High School. At the beginning of the year, I did not speak to him as I didn't know him very well. One day, he decided to sit with us at lunch (to study for a test; my reputation for scoring very high on tests had gotten around and people tended to ask me for help right before the test) and now, he is one of my closest guy friends.

"Edward, don't forget about drama club tonight! Wouldn't want Slowick getting mad at you for missing vocal warm-ups...again," reminded the lilting voice of his sister and one of my best friends, Alice Cullen, catching up with us rather quickly. She had only three classes with us, all of them being advanced placement classes.

"One time! I forget one time and no one can stop harassing me about it!"

"Yes'll, one more time and he'll be arrested for aggravated assault. You know how we have to be perfect," I chirped in gleefully. Any chance to make fun of his imperfections was jumped on almost immediately as he appeared to have none. He rolled his eyes at us and ran into the classroom.

* * *

"Good God, that was hellish, as usual." Golden always did have an obsession with attempting to make us cry in the beginning of the year. It had worked quite well ,as she probably hoped, but by the second quarter, all she could elicit from us were death threats and a strange habit to flinch at hissing sounds for the rest of the day. Quite an improvement, I would say.

"My lovely, sexy little shark, I haven't slightest idea what on Earth you are talking about. This is my favorite class!" Edward had scared the crap out of me, jumping on my back when I least expected it. Damn him to hell, indeed.

"Well of course she was pleasant when talking to you. That woman has such a crush on you, she would rape you the minute she had you alone in her dungeon." Who else would take such an opportune moment to pop up behind us but the Devil incarnate herself.

"Hello, Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen." We did not miss the glare she shot me and the simper she sent Edward. The witch stalked off, but not before sneering in my direction, when she noticed I was walking with Edward, with his arm around me. One would think she would noticed the way he flirted with every girl, the way she was always watching him. My mind took the opportunity to think of what kinda fantasies the Golden Bat must have had about Edward. A chill suddenly went down my spine and I shivered.

"What's wrong with Bella," Alice and Angela inquired of Edward, noticing the odd twitching movements my right eye made and my shivering.

"I Just imagined Edward and Not-So-Golden in several compromising positions." The group circled around me, of which by then included Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Edward, Alice, Ben, and Angela. We all simultaneously shivered. People passing us on the way to lunch gave us strange looks.

"What a nice image to have forever burned in my brain brain," Rosie sarcastically quipped.

"It's not anyone's fault that psycho has a huge crush on that idiot!"

"Alice! Stop being mean to me!"

"I would, dearest brother, but if you hadn't been graced with intelligence, a charm with teachers, and good genetics, we wouldn't have to suffer from such horrible mental images, my dear."

"But if Bella hadn't been thinking about that, that, that _**hag **_and I, none of this would've happened!"

"It's settled then : Bella, stop thinking."

"Need I remind everyone that my thinking has helped you all on various tests," I smirked. Well not really, you can't smirk and talk at the same time but - oh, forget it.

"No, Bella," Angela, Ben, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all replied simultaneously and monotonously. More people than before turned to give us odd looks of wonder and fear.

"Ohkay now, time to go to lunch," Alice chirped out. With that, we entered the cafeteria.

* * *

"You idiots! What kinda idea was it to go around flinging random assorted nuts and sauces at people across the table? Especially one of those people being me!" Poor guys. I mean, even though they kinda started the most stereotypical food fight I've ever seen in my life, I wouldn't want to suffer an angry Alice. Alice tends to take anger to whole new levels.

"How was I to know that Jessica would start freaking out over the loss of her stupid new shirt! Who knew the girl had such an arm on her..." Emmett squeaked out, shrinking with fear and, if possible, paling further than was humanly possible. Only Alice had that effect, mind you. I shook my head. You knew you had a serious anger issue if Emmett Cullen, who was as burly as a bear, would shrink and attempt to hide from you by taking refuge under a table.

"**Bella! Why are you shaking your head at me!?**"

"Alice Alice Alice, how can Rosie, Angela and I tell you? You kinda have a severe anger problem."

"**Severe anger problem!?**"

"Look at Emmett. He's hiding under a lunch table. Because of you. He won't even hide from bears (which I swear will be the death of him one day), but he'll hide from you. Do you see what we mean, Alice," Rosalie implored of her.

"Yeah, love. You kinda wanna make us all hide under tables until your fury has ended," Jasper remarked, slipping his arms through Alice's currently looped arms and sufficiently calmed her (and the rest of us) down. It was almost like Jasper had magic powers to make everyones emotions change. Odd, huh? We all sighed a very relieved sigh of relief. Haha, that was fun to say.

"We all sighed a very relieved sigh of relief."

"What was that, Bella," Angela asked confusedly. Oops. I guess i said that aloud...

"Ohh nothing, just talking to myself." What is this, weird look day? I swear, I must've received at least 57 weird looks today!

"Uhm, well that's nice, my crazy shark...Don't forget to look on the bright side you guys...At least we got off with a super-lax warning!"

"Principal Schnapztailer loves you, Edward. He has a man-crush on you. I think he would rather die than give you detention," I countered with a snort.

"Now, now Bella, don't be so mean. I'm sure he loves you too! Why, I imagine," Edward suddenly wrapped an arm around me to draw me closer "If you and I went out, we would be the super couple! Nothing would stop us!"

"Yeah, nothing but That Hag. She would try to murder me and convince you that she and you would make a better Super Couple."

"Ahhh. You've a point my cherie amore," Edward sighed. "But one day, just you wait, you will be mine!" I giggled at his melodramatics.

"Look, you guys. Sorry to interrupt your very sickening flirtations, but we better get to our next class. Free Period is almost over..." Alice reminded us.

"Well come little sharky! It's time to go to math, my love!" Edward grabbed my hand and raced us upstairs to Mr. Donatello's classroom.

* * *

**Weak ending, no? I wanted to make it longer, but there is no way you can make math exciting! Ohkay, I'm working on the second chappie fast as I can. I was gonna post it before, but, like I said, it SUCKED. So, I want to know, what do you think of this new story? It's retained some of its original story, but i think this one is slightly better. Before i forget (not that i wood), I have to thank the lovely people who reviewed, added me to favorite author (gasp), added this to story alert thingy or even favorite story (yay!) : just-off-the-key-of-reason, ABroadwaylvr, Cryptic Insanity101, xXxDecember PrincessxXx, nobodyparticular, Peaccee., Inur-ru831, and Mystik Angel 85! I hope you guys like the new story (:**

33,

abroadwayluver


	2. 2: Edward

**Ohmigod. Hi. First off, reread the first chapter before you read this one. Ive changed the entire first chapter, so it will make more sense if you read that first. Second, i hope you all haven't you know, given up already...Theres just been a couple issues, writers block (ha, me, a writer), but I've finally gotten over that (i think). I just realized i hated the original so much, so i had to restart. Well, before this ends up longer than the actual story, lets get started on...The Second chapter of "Stupid Flirt". Oh, and just so you know, there's a singin part in here, and B : Curly, **_I : Laurey _U : Both.

* * *

"Mr. Cullen, now is certainly not the time for you to start acting humble. I don't know if you realize this, but Curly is an arrogant cowboy. He believes himself to be God's gift to the world," Mr. Slowick chided me.

"So you mean, Mr. Slowick, that you want Edward to act like himself with a stupid accent," remarked Alice, causing giggles to erupt backstage. One glare from me caused all of them to stop except for Alice and Bella. My heart strangely sunk at the idea of Bella laughing at me, though she had done so many times before...I had a sudden urge to prove to all of them (but especially Bella for reasons unbeknownst to myself) that I was not as arrogant as they all seem to think I was.

"Why, Alice, I resent that! If I weren't such a nice person, I would tell everyone about your ... your... your...uhm... your obsessive collecting of American Eagle jackets!" Ha! Oh, what's that Alice! Yeah! What now! I told you I'm not arrogant!

"Uhm, Edward, first of all, everyone knows about her "addiction". She wears them around school, does she not? Second, you have accidentally made yourself sound arrogant by saying if "you weren't such a nice guy..." That sentence implies you are, indeed, arrogant to think of yourself that way. Third of all...can we please get back to rehearsal? It's already 6:00." Bella's scrutinizing of me made me wilt in the inside a bit. Dammit, why am I feeling all these things. It's not like I liked Bella. She was practically my sister! Kissing her would be like kissing Alice...Ewww! Oh my God! Ugh. I got Bella's stupid think-of-sick- things-disease.

"Edward, as much as I and the rest of the cast and crew would like to view your varying facial expressions, I want to leave by 7:00, and none of you are getting pizza tonight until we finish Act Two." Slowick doesn't look too happy...maybe I should start concentrating.

"Let's continue with 'People Will Say We're In Love (Reprise)'..." Oh fantastic, a song where the two leads profess their love for each other. I wish I could do that with Bel-what am I saying?! What's with the sudden uproar of Bella thoughts? Sure, she's pretty, and smart, and fun to annoy but...Bella. Oh God. That's almost as horrific as...as...as the Great Golden Bloodsucking Leech. That says a lot about the preposterous idea that I would like Bella. I'm sure Bella isn't a bad girlfriend, but, shes too much like my sister for me to consider her as a-

"Edward. Edward. Edwardino. Sir Cullen. Mr. Culle. Meester Cullen. Monsieur Cullen..."

"Huh?"

"We kinda have to do this funny thing called our scene?"

"Oh yeah..."

"Geez, your very spacey-outey today..."

"Oh. Sorry Paige, just got a lot on my mind..."

"I'm going to go on a limb and guess it's a girl who's bothering you so much."

"Can you read my mind!?"

"...So I'm right...Oh-kay, well, you might not want Slowick to notice this or he might cut you from the play."

"You're right...ohkay, lets start this thing!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, let us start please..."

**"Heeey! If there's anyone out around this yard who can hear my voice, I just want fer you to know that Laurey Williams is my girl!"**

_"Curly!"_

**"Aha! And she just got me to ask her to marry me!"**

_"They'll hear you all the way to Catoosie!"_

**"Let em! Let people say we're in love! Who cares what happens now?"**

_"Just keep your hand in mine...Your hand feels so grand in mine!"_

**"Let people say we're in love!"**

"Starlight looks well on us, let the stars beam from above! Who cares if they tell on us...Let people say we're in love!"

"Well, that's not the best performance you guys have given me yet but, you know what? I'm tired and hungry, your tired and hungry, lets wait until tomorrow and finish this sucker up, kay?" At the end of his sentence, all of the cast and crew who paid for pizza lept off the stage. It has been a grueling rehearsal, after all. Wait a second, someone's tapping me on the shoulder...

"Hi Edward..."

"Hey Bells..." Oh God. I can feel my cheeks flushing pink already. stupid teenage hormones.

"Uh, since when do you call me 'Bells'?"

"Uhm, well...since now!" Stupid answer, Edward.

"Oh. Shame, I liked 'little sharkey' better..."

"You do?" That sucks. I called her that to annoy her. Well hey! It used to annoy her before...I do believe she has gotten to used to it. I must change that.

"Yeah. Duh. Hence the lack of kicking directed at your shin. Oh well, I just wanted to tell you that the crew thinks your performance sucked today, more than usually'..."

"Uhm, thanks?" What. The. Hell. It didn't suck that much! I think! Then again, I wasn't as focused as usually. Damn it. Stupid Alice. This is all her fault. Oh ho ho ho, one day, I will get my sick, sick revenge. And it will be sweet. Very sweet. In fact, so sweet, everyone who views my revenge will get diabetes and suffer a coma from all the sugaryness of it all. Just you wait, Alice...When you least expect it, I will get you, my pretty.

"Right, well, I got to go, Gabby and the other techies seem to think that if I talk to you, I'll get some sick disease, like the one you obviously have which causes you to look severely deranged." She poked her tongue out at me and started running away from me. I think she'll be included in my sickeningly sweet quest for revenge.

* * *

"Edward."

"Alice." I was still apprehensive of my sister, after the whole food fight thing. Alice might decided to spare the others but me, and I wasn't prepared for a week of hell.

"I know your secret." What the...? Alice's foreboding tone of voice did not mean in the slightest bit that things were going to be good for me at all. For one thing, it was distracting me from my driving.

"What secret?"

"Oh, you know the one. It's your secret, after all."

"Alice, shocker as it may be, I keep a lot of things hidden from you."

"Like what? I already found that Playboy May '76 you keep under your bed-"

"What? Alice, dear, maybe you didn't recall this. I am above Playboy. It is demora-hey! Why was there a Playboy issue under my bed?" If the next words out of her mouth are a variation of "Emmett put it there", I will rip him to shreds.

"Oh, that's Emmett's. But he told me he put it there because he said you wanted to borrow it."

"What is this, read Edward Cullen's mind day?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"...Nothing."

"Oh-kay. Well, I know that you keep furry handcuffs in your sock drawer."

"Why are Jasper's furry handcuffs in my sock drawer?"

"...Those are Jasper's."

"Uhhh, yeah."

"I might have to kill him. Wanna help?"

"Uh, sure, if you help me get Emmett."

"Ohkay. Well, the secret you claim not to know about is that you like Bella." I almost swerved off the road but quickly regained my composure. Alice lost hers tho.

"**What the fuck fucknuts! You almost fucking killed us! I swear, when I get home, I am going to murder you while you shower!**"

"Alice! What's with the multiple use of the word 'fuck'?!"

"**You almost fucking killed us!**"

"Well I wouldn't have almost "fucking killed us" if you didn't scare the all the crap out of me with your claim that I like Bella!"

"Well...how was I to know that that would cause you to nearly go into shock and send us to our unexpected, bloody, and overly-early deaths?!" She took a sip of her Dr. Pepper- a drink which I personally found disgusting.

"Well, Angela told me you are planning on breaking up with Jasper to go out with Mike Newton." Alice promptly had Dr. Pepper coming out her nose and started choking on the noisome drink.

"Oh, look what you did now?! The upholstery's ruined! DO you know how much this is going to cost?!"

"Shut up. This is the second time you nearly killed me and all you care about is your stupid car!"

"Alice! Don't say that! This car is my baby! It's a freaking Volvo S60 R!"

"As I have said very often in the past, shut up. You know Mom and Dad can buy you a new one."

"Your right..." I grudgingly admitted. The Cullen family was certainly well off enough to buy 60 Volvo S60 Rs as a replacement for my loss.

"Why did Angela say that though?! I will kill her the next time I set my eyes on her! How would she know if I liked Mike?! IM NOT CLOSE TO HER! URGH! WHY WOULD ANYONE LIKE MIKE ANYWAY! HE"S LIK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER OBSESSED WITH BELLA!"

"Oh, she didn't and she doesn't. I told you that to illustrate the effects of you accusing people of lking someone they don't like."

"You almost killed me to prove a point!? You had better sleep with one eye open tonight, Edward Anthony Cullen. The minute you close your eyes, I will force you to encounter a highly painful and slow death." With that, she opened the door with enough force to rip it off its hinges and close it with enough force to attach it back without any issues. I think I may have made her just a wee bit mad...Wait! I need to ask her about the Bella thing!

"Alice, come back! I need to know about the Bella thing!" The door opened, and there, greeting me with a rictus so large and bright it could replace the sun, was Ms. Alice soon-to-be Hale (someday).

"Need something, dearest brother?"

"Uhm, yes, I want to know what you mean by Bella and my supposed limerence of her?"

"Oh, you do? _**WELL TOO DAMN BAD!**_" I can't believe it! She actually slammed the door on me! Ugh! See if I care! I'll get it from her, mark my words! Just you wait Alice Cullen, I _will_ get this information from you one day!

"Ohkay loser, I've decided you've suffered enough today."

...Well, thats was much quicker than I had expected.

"What's with the sudden change of heart?"

"I had to change out of my **Dr. Pepper** and pizza stained clothes."

"Why slam the door then?"

"For fun." Did I mention most of the family considers Alice to be bipolar?

"Uh huh. So...what was up with the whole 'I-know-you-like-Bella-thing'? in the car?"

"Well, to be honest, Rosalie and I thought you liked Bella. After all, by the second quarter, you had hugged Tamar 54 times, Taylor 67 times, Gabby Iole 43 times and Bella 115 times."

"...How do you know all that?"

"Well, you hugged girls so many times last year that Bella, Rosalie and I started counting how many times you hugged girls for fun."

"Ohkay Edward! Well I had better get to bed because I have a feeling The Golden Bat is going to have a popquiz tomorrow and I want to be prepared!"

"But Ali-"

"But nothing! Her tests are notoriously hard so I have to wake up Bells at 6:00 tomorrow morning so she can be prepared! Good night now!" I have to ask...how did she know i was gonna ask Certainly-Wasn't-A-Golden-Girl for a popquiz tomorrow to torment Alice and Bella?

* * *

**Whoa! I actually managed to write up to two thousand words today! I feel so proud of myself! (nicole, stop being a loser!(: ) Is anyone still reading this story? I hope you are? Whadya think of the new chappie? Please tell me what I got wrong! I know i got at least something wrong! Oh, and what new title shoudl I have? I really dont like this title. "Stupid FLirt". Eww. The whole point of of Edward's flirtness is to provide some humor, and **that** part of the story will be gone soon anyway! Please help me think of a new title. (:**

**Love, **

**abroadwayluver**

**p.s.**

**Not that I need them...but can i have a review please? (: **


	3. 3: Alice

**Hey, welcome back. So, this is my third chapter of "Ten Ways to Make Two Luckless Fools Fall in Love", previously known as "Stupid Flirt". I've decided that Alice is going to try to accelerate Bella and Edward's relationship through various activities and whatnot. I'm thinking this story shood take maybe 15 chapters or so...But I dont know if Ill write this anymore seeing as not a lot of people seem to like it...idk. Heres the Third Chapter: Alice.**

* * *

Edward really underestimates me. Didn't he think I would know that he would attempt to get revenge on me for embarrassing him today during drama club? The pop quiz thing was a total guess, but judging from the look of utter awe and shock on darlingest Edward's face clearly showed that that was what he was intending on doing as revenge. Sigh. Poor kid. He still doesn't get how I am very accurate with my guesses. It's like I get a special vibe from things that alert me and go "Oh, Bella's going to trip halfway up the staircase." I chuckled to myself as I thought of that. Maybe that wasn't the best example, as it happened often. But you see what I mean, right? Oh dear. Entertaining an imaginary audience in my head? I wonder if thats a sign of mental instability...That brought me back to what Rosalie and Bella and Jasper said today after lunch. Do I really have a short and violent temper? After all, Emmett did hide from me under a lunch table. However, Emmett _did_ have an unusual fear of small things...mice for example. And, compared to my bear of an older brother, I was quite small. I grinned to myself as I called to my statuesque future sister-in-law (Emmett had already bought a ring; he planned to propose his first day at Dartmouth).

"Rosie!"

"Yes, Alice?"

"I told Edward about our suspicions about him liking lovely Bella."

"And he said?"

"Oh, he didn't say a thing."

"Whadya mean?"

"I mean instead of speaking, he completely lost his composure and almost killed me."

"How?..."

"He almost hit a tree as he nearly swerved off the road and then he had me choke on Dr. Pepper."

"...How did he accomplish the last one?" I thought back to what he said, and another shudder ran down my spine.

"I would prefer not to go into it..."

"Ohkay... So should we take that as a sign he doesn't like her?"

"Actually, I believe he does like her on a subconscious level. All we have to do is help him realize he likes her."

"How?"

"Hmm...I suppose we could...**OH! **I know! We should...mhmm...yes! Thats a _**perfect**_ idea! Whadya think Rose!?"

"I dont know. You kinda forgot to tell me what your great idea was. Care to explain?" Oh. I guess I kinda forgot to clue Rosalie in. I did have a nasty habit of doing that when I got over-excited about something.

"We're going to pull a 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days' in reverse!"

"So we're going to help Edward _win _a guy in ten days?"

"No! I mean that we're going to help Edward win Bella in ten easy steps! But we're going to have to do it subtly, without either one realizing it. Should be a bit of a challenge..."

"That _is_ a good idea. What will our first step thingie be?"

"Uhm, well..." Rose whispered something in my ear! Dayum! That was a good stepping stone thing. I think this plan may just actually work.

"Well, I best be going to bed. Don't want Edward trying to get revenge on me somehow... see ya in the morning Alice!"

"Don't forget our plan, Rose!"

"I won't..." She left my room, and I decided now was the time to go to bed.

* * *

_Plan # 1: _

_What: Push Bella onto Edward as she is walking backwards talking to me._

_How: Should be easy. Rosalie will jostle past me on her way to yearbook, and subtly send Bella flying into Edward's arms with a light push._

_Why: Because Bella and Edward are both too oblivious to realize that they're perfect for each other and this plan should give them a little 'push' in that direction -insert cheesy laughs-._

* * *

"Morning Alice."

"Hey 'Eddiepoo'." That nickname never did fail to leave a long-lasting blush on Edward's face.

"Kat calls me that _one _time and suddenly, everyone has to use it on me," Edward muttered angrily under his breath. Kat was Edward's girlfriend before Bella moved to Forks. I frankly have no idea what Edward saw in her. She was pretty and very nice, but when you talked to her, you soon got the distinct feeling you were speaking to a wall. She quickly tired of Edward's lack of romanticism ("What was I to do, give her flowers and other boyfriend-y stuff?!") and broke up with him. That girl certainly was more resilient than we all thought. She stayed around for a month. But I digress. We can't focus on the past, we have to focus on forcing Bella and my idiot of a brother together.

"Edward, mind making eggs, bacon and toast for us? Wouldn't want to be underfed and fail that 'pop quiz' I heard about."

Even from here, I could see Edward's eyes widen and a slight flush crawl its way up his neck and stick itself onto his cheeks.

"Sure Alice. After all, we know what happened last time you attempted to cook in the kitchen. Didn't Esme have to hire someone to rebuild the entire room?" Stupid smirking loser. You blow up the kitchen _one _time because you forgot to take the foil off of a steak or whatever it was we had the night before, and everyone holds this against you for the rest of your life. Alice, calm down. We need Edward to be alive for Bella. Breath in, breath out. Now count to ten. Good.

"Yeah, we do. I'm glad that my incident now means I have my own personal chef instead of Mom." Mom's had quickly and, well, I don't think you can say _carefully_ acquired a reputation for somehow screwing up everything she attempted to make in the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure thats where you got your lack of knowledge of the kitchen."

"Yo Eddieeee! Is breakfast finished yet?!" Ahh, Emmett. Only he could be this excited about food, and in the morning no less.

"Yes, Emmett, it is. Do you mind calming down? I think you've woken up Rosalie and Jasper by now."

"He has." It never ceased to amaze me how Jasper and Rose said the same thing at the same time more than fifty percent of the time.

"Nice job loser." Hehehe, Emmett's ickle soon-to-be fiance doesn't look too happy with him.

"Aww, come on Rosie Posie, you look fantastic either way." That also fascinated me to no end. Who knew Emmett Cullen would snag someone as lovely as Rose and also be the most romantic Cullen brother?

"Can we eat already?"

"Someone's anxious to get to school. Eager to see Bella?" I grinned. Jasper wanted to get on the Edward-heckling too today, I saw.

"...Why would I wanna see Bella?..."

"Because you like her!" Emmet's bluntness did certainly come in handy this morning.

"Why does everyone think that?!"

"Well, Emmett and I noticed that you hug her more than you hug other girls. We even started counting on Monday" Ohkay, I was beginning to find it creepy that Emmett and Jasper were counting how many times they hugged girls. It was just the slightest bit weird.

"Uh huh! Let's see, you hugged Taylor 20 times, Gabby 13 times, and that Tamar chick 25 times. Meanwhile, you managed to fill in 47 hugs for Bella." Rosalie and I gave each other a look.

"Bu-bu-but, we only counted 16, 9, 20, and 32 hugs, respectively!" Damn! What did we miss?! Ugh, the charts are utterly messed up now.

"...Howdya find that out Jasper, Emmett?"

"Oh yeah, well, last week was official Stalk Edward week. We followed you around town and tried to annoy you as much as possible without you being knowledgeable of our expeditions."

"So you were behind that bush following me?"

"Uh huh."

"And that car that almost destroyed my baby?"

"Bella or the Volvo?"

"...The Volvo."

"Uh huh."

"And the filling my precious baby with chicken feathers?"

"...No, but we may try that in the future." I grinned smugly, waiting for Edward explode into a rant about oouching his precious baby.

"Nice job!"

"**_WHAT?!_** You yelled at me for destroying your cars upholstery because I was choking to death and Dr. Pepper came out of my nose and they get _**rewarded**_?!"

"Well, yeah! They managed to do all this without me noticing! That's freaking amazing!"

"RAWR! I'm going to school!"

"Ohkay, see ya there later!"

"Alice, love, come back!"

I slammed the door on Jasper's face.

* * *

"Alice! Ready for the plan?"

"Right-o Rosalie."

"Uhm, kay. Get Bella!" I waited for Bella to appear in the sea of moving bodies. As soon as I saw her, i grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a hug.

"Hey Alice, where's Edward?" Oh, she thinks she's being so subtle. Ha, Bella Swan, we know your secret...

"Why do you want that bastard," I said with a chipper tone and a smile on my face.

"...What did he do to you?" I thought back to what happened last night in the car.

"Nothing worth mentioning. Actually, I'm not sure where Mr. Fucknuts is."

"...Mr. Fucknuts?"

"Oh, nothing, just a nickname, you know, like 'Haha Mr. Fucknuts, don't be silly,k join me for a stroll!'"

"Right Alice..." Ohkay, why does everyone treat me like I'm a couple fries short of a Happy Meal?

"Edward! Come here!" Is this really how 'Best Friends' act? Overly excited when they see each other? I thought those were only people who liked each other. These two are so clueless its funny and sad.

"Oh, hi Bella." And, once again, he hugged her. She must smell like his cologne for the rest of her life. I wonder what Charlie thinks of that...Oh, look! There's Rose! Must get these idiots up the stairs!

"As much as I would love to view this cute , fluffy scene of two lovers hugging each other, can we please go to class?" Ha, Edward blushed. This whole Edward-loves-Bella thing was working out fantastically.

"So Edward, what do you think Slowick is going to say about the fact that we didn't practice our scenes?"

"Hey, it's not our fault we have such a crappy sub..." Bella and Edward were in the right positions, but Rose still wasn't there. Where is she?!

"Ahh!" Oh. I guess she pushed Bella already. I turned around to see how Edward and Bella were dealing with the situation, but the sight before me was suer surprising and very, very amusing.

Bella Swan was currently in a _very_ suggestive position with the leader of the "Bella Swan Fan Club".

Mike Newton.

* * *

_Plan # 1: _

_What: Push Bella onto Edward as she is walking backwards talking to me._

_How: Should be easy. Rosalie will jostle past me on her way to yearbook, and subtly send Bella flying into Edward's arms with a light push._

_Why: Because Bella and Edward are both too oblivious to realize that they're perfect for each other and this plan should give them a little 'push' in that direction -insert cheesy laughs-._

_Status: Failed. Bella did not fall into Edward's arms. Instead, she was stuck in a compromising situatuin with Mike Newton._

* * *

**Hey! I would like to thank four people tonight:**

**xX-devil-in-disguise-Xx-im glad you liked my story enough to add it as a story you need to be alerted about when a new chapter comes out. (:**

**nobodyparticular-haha, thanks for telling me that you thot chapter two was hilarious. It's people like you who make me think "Maybe this story isn't as bad as I believe it is."**

**ABroadwayLvr-your critical eye helps a lot, my lovely little muse. How's your story coming along? In case you're wondering what story I mean, ABroadwayLvr is working on an adorably amusing and fluffy story called "10 Ways to Impress a Pretty Girl." Here is a snippet of her story:**

I couldn't move, I was having an inner battle with myself. I half wanted Ginny to know I liked her but I don't want her to know. GAH, why cant this be easy? What if she thinks im mental and says no? But what if she really likes me and says yes? CURSE THESE TEENAGE HORMONES!!

**and, hopefully not last or least : Artemis of Luna!-Ha! someone likes this version of Edward! That makes me feel bubbly inside (: . I will do my best to keep him "in character" for the purposes of your amusement. You also have the luck of being the third person to review (after all, three is a lucky number)!**

**I would also like to thank the anonymous 226 people (at last count) who read my story. I don't care if you liked or disliked it, just the thought that you read it (and that some people even added it to story alert or reviewed) is a good thing (: **

**This chapter didn't seem as go as the others. It's so...boring. Idk... It's not very funny. Oh well...  
**

**I am trying to update as soon as possible. I'm already working on chappie four!**

**So..whatdya think of the new title? I think it's somewhat better but I want to know what my readers think of it (hint hint, you can tell me by reviewing :P) I feel like such a review whore, hahhaha.**

**Well, I'll be seeing you guys tomorrow.**

**Until the break of dawn (I, indeed, truly am this loserish),**

**abroadwayluver**


	4. 4: Emmett

**Hello, and welcome to another edition of... Ten Ways to Make Two Luckless Fools Fall in Love! God that title is just a wee bit irritating. Urgh. So, this time, This chapter will be told from Emmett's point of view. Warning: Emmett is portrayed here differently than other fanfics. You have been warned. I decided to continue this for my own personal enjoyment, even if no on reads it...or reviews it...or favorites it...or story alerts it...(slaps self). I should really get off the pity train. My opening note should never be longer than my closing note, so, without further ado...The Fourth CHapter of TWtMTLFFiL: Emmett Cullen.**

* * *

Oh.

My.

God.

I, I, its, it's undescribable!

I feel like Christmas has come early! This is fantastic!

I quickly whipped out my iPhone and took a picture of this Kodak moment. Damn shame this phone can't record anything.

"Jasper! Take out your camera and record this moment for the love of Alice!" He ripped his camera out of his pocket and, laughing and choking while still able to hold the camera steady (he's an honorary Cullen; of course he could do something that easy) recorded the spectacle for future generations. We turned to each other, and, still laughing and suffering from that stitch in our sides, we said three words:

"Youtube."

"Video."

"Montage."

"Emmett Cullen and Jasper Hale, I swear if you don't erase that video and those photos right now, I will rip your balls off and hang them on the flagpole!"

"Emmett, Jasper, if you do as she said, you two are never going to see the light of day ever. Again." Well, Alice settled it for us. This video was going on Youtube tonight.

"Alice! Thanks for the help!" Edward, who was temporarily shocked and amused, sprang back into action:

"Darling little sharkey, one day, you'll look back at all of this and think this whole thing was hilarious. In fact, that day will actually be a night, and that night will be tonight, right after we upload the video onto Youtube and send it to the entire student body."

"Edward Anthony Cullen, if you don't help me _right _now, I will make sure you never enjoy eating ever again."

"Fine. This moment is too precious to let go off," he said gleefully. Who woudln't be gleeful write now?

"Emmett, Jasper, I won't try to kill you if you help me get this lump off."

"Bella, the answer's obvious. Think for a second...Think...Think." She scrunched her pretty little face up (no worries, I'm not _Edward_; Rosie Posie's the only one for me) and came to a conclusion; the right conclusion.

"You wan't me to do _that_?"

"Yes, that would be the obvious thing to do." It's nice to see that all of this is bringing a smile to Edward's face.

"But...it's a bit mean, don't you think?"

"I guess it is...you won't want to disrupt Mike as he sleeps on your-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Emmett."

"But it's true."

"Mhmm." Jasper.

"Yeah." Alice.

"Indeed." Edward.

"And he seems to be enjoying it greatly; nice day to wear a tank top, Bella." Rosalie.

"Shut up Rose...Fine, I'll do it!" Bella hit him right in the family jewels.

"Oof! Bella! Dang! What was that for?!"

"Mike, darling, dearest Mike, don't know if you realize this, but," She pulled his ear up to her mouth and yelled, "**YOU'RE ON TOP OF ME**!"

"Oh, really? I thought this was some wonderful dream where after I was on top of you we wou-"

"Finish that sentence, Newton, and I may just have to disembowel you for the dirtying of my mind." Geez. That wasn't something I had to picture at all. What kinda sick person is Mike Newton?

"Newton. Let it go. It's a sad aspect of life, but You. Will. Never. Go. Out. With. Bella." Jasper must be me in man form-I mean I am a man, but if I weren't a man, he would be my male half. Wait, then wouldn't I be my own male half? Oi. This is confusing.

"Uhm, Mike? Two things...why aren't you off of me and what's in your pocket thats poking me so hard? Is that a pencil or-" The crowd's raucous laughter drowned out the rest of Bella's sentence. Ahh, poor innocent Bella. Didn't she know it was Mike's-

"Wait, why are all of you laughing? What on Earth is stabbing me so hard? Is that a pencil? Seriously, Mike, why would you have a pencil in your pocket unless...Wait...OH MY GOD! MIKE NEWTON! GET OFF OF ME!" In one fluid move, Bella pushed Mike off of her very forcefully and ran to her next class, leaving heavily amused people in her wake. Jasper and I shrugged, laughed, and made our way to class.

* * *

"Good God. How long can a woman talk about the reproduction of an amoeba?" Jasper and I were insanely bored and disturbed after science with Golden. It seems that after Bella's little accident, she seemed to think she and Edward had a chance and went full out on the different types of reproduction. I still heard snippets of conversation about Bella and Mike.

"Man! Did you see her face!?"

"God, I sure would hate to be Mike right now..."

"Why the heck not? Bella's soooo hot!"

"-sniff-Why does Bella always have to get the attention?"

"You think Emmett and Jasper are really going to upload that video?"

"Yo! Emmett!" Some random person high fived me.

"Hi, Jasper."

"Hey, uhm, Linda is it?"

"Oh my God, you guys! Jasper Hale just touched me!" I turned to grin at Jasper.

"We should really record more of Bella's stupid stunts more often, shouldn't we? They're treating us like Greek Gods!" The attention was going to our heads.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett, we are Greek gods," Jasper retorted as we walked past the girl's bathroom.

"How could you mess this up?!"

"I didn't know she would fall on **Mike**!" Hmm? Someone set up today's stunt? I bet it was one of that girl Lauren's friends. She did have it in for Bella. I bet she told them to do this to embarrass her. But who was Bella supposed to fall on?

"Rose!" What?! My darling little angel was working with Lauren? I hissed at Jasper to tell him to move next to me and listen to this strange conversation.

"Alice!" Jasper's eyes opened wide at the sound of **his** angel's name. What the hell was going on?!

"You know, this plan is never going to help us help Edward and Bella." Oh dear. I knew what they were talking about. These two, misguided fools were trying to help _those_ two, misguided fools.

"Rosie, Alice, out. Now."

"Who's that?"

"I dont know Alice! Let's just walk out of here and give them our purses, then call the police." What the...who's going to steal their purses at school? I shook my head at their foolishness.

"Ohkay now, sirs...Emmett!" Rosalie was the image of confused perfection. How did I ever get so lucky? Sigh. Wait. Emmett, don't forget what you came here for. Reprimand Rose and Alice, tell them not to interfere with Bella and Edward. Riiiiiiiight.

"We know what you two are doing."

"Oh good, so you'll try to help us?" Simple, naive Alice.

"Of course not! We called you out here to remind you** not **to interfere with their slow get-togetherness."

"But-"

"But nothing. This isn't right."

"Fine." Poor, dejected girls. But they were doing something wrong. And Jasper and I stopped them. I feel proud. I also feel a stupid grin on my face. Well, you can't always get what you want...

"Now come on, girls and Jasper," I grinned at him to counter his scowl.

"Let's get those lovebirds and get pizza and maybe watch a movie."

I think those two let go of their silly ideas. But then, I get a feeling they didn't. We'll find out later.

* * *

Later we found out, indeed. After getting pizza at -where else- Pizza Hut, we headed to the local movie theater (Muvico Paradise 24-not the best but, what are you going to do?) to watch 'Get Smart'. We didn't hear anything about the movie, but it was Friday night and we felt like watching something that looked funny.

The movie was hilarious. We laughed so hard, as a matter of fact, that mid-movie, Alice started choking on her laughter, popcorn and Icee. Bella laughed at Alice and we ended up distracting the nearly empty movie theater. People threw popcorn at Rosalie and I but one scowl from me and they cowered in fear. I grinned to myself. It's nice to be the bear of the family.

After the movie, Alice and Rosalie went to the bathroom. Edward was talking to Bella about school and stuff, so Jasper and I went to wait by the bathrooms to, well, wait for the girls to do...whatever it was that they were doing. It sounded like Rose and Alice were engaged in another argument, judging from the angry sounds I heard. I told Jasper to come closer and we stuck our heads at the bathroom door to listen better (anyone else feeling deja vu? Not just me? Thats good.)

"That has got to be the stupidest idea I've heard before."

"Why's it stupid? It could easily work!"

"But-"

"But everyone knows the La Push boys are quite handsome." I could hearJasper's growls and decided to intervene before he ripped the door off it's hinges. This time, Jasper was the one to scold them.

"Hey! I thought Emmett and I told you not to interfere? And what's this talk about handsome La Push boys?" I grinned and rolled my eyes at my best friend. He needs to learn to control his jealousy.

"It's just part of our plan-"

"Ahah! So you do have a plan."

"Well yes, but-"

"But what?"

"But we just wanted to help them."

"But how is your plan going to help them," I chimed in.

"Just look at them." Edward was dousing her with water. They did seem to be having fun.

"Fine, so they do need help. But-"

"But?"

"But we better not here of your plans."

"Ohkay!"

Why do I have the feeling things are going to be much, much worse now?

* * *

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**So, this chapter was...odd...but isnt it always?  
**

**Hehehhe, whatdya think of this chapter (stop askign that)! This authors note is almost half the story...hahahhahaahahaha. Im working on chapter five...i think itll be from rosalies point of view...Uhm...i have nothign else to say but thanks...**

**Till Next Chapter...**

**abroadwayluver**


	5. 5: Jasper

**Hi. You've reached the fifth chapter of TWtMTFFiL. To submit a review, scroll to the very bottom of this page, pick "submit review" and click the "go" button. To add this story to your story alert list, scroll to the very bottom of this page, pick "add to story alert" and click the "go" button. To add this story to your favorite stories, scroll to the very bottom of this page, pick "add to favorite stories" and click the "go" button. To add this author to your author alert list, scroll to the very bottom of this page, pick "add to author alert" and click the "go" button. To add this author to your favorite authors, scroll to the very bottom of this page, pick "add to favorite authors" and click the "go" button. To exit out of this page, click the "x" on either the upper right hand corner if you have a Windows or the upper left hand corner of the left hand corner if you have a Mac. If you want to ignore this and just read the goddamn chapter, skip this all and begin reading. Thank you and have a nice day/lunch/brunch/breakfast/supper/mid afternoon snack/midnight snack/dinner/night/evening/day/morning/mid afternoon/afterlife. Hahahaha, who actually read all of that? That was a completely random idea I just had. :-P. So. Oh my god, im so sorry for not updating sooner! What with thunder and writers block and the accidental deletion of my story...its been hectic. By the way, happy belated Fourth of July! This is Jasper's chapter. This has been the hardest chapter to write. Ive had serious writers block and it hasn't been fully resolved. Argh! I hope this chapter isn't too horrible...  
**

* * *

What's up with Alice's sudden obsession with trying to force Bella and Edward together?! We all know that they're going to end up together one day, how could we not with all the looks they give each other? He finds excuses to touch her, make professions of love, look at her, and even talk to her! When he thinks no one is looking, he stares at her, her eyes full of longing. It's amazing how Bella doesn't know yet. Ooo. Hold On a sec. Edward's knocking on my door...

* * *

"Hey Edward...what's up?"

"That had to be the funniest thing I've seen at school for a long time!"

"What the hell is wrong with you? That was like, two days ago."

"Your point!? It still was."

"Fine. But how on Earth did she fall? Bella may be clumsy, but she's been walking up the stairs backwards forever and hasn't had an accident...until today."

"She does have an awful knack of randomly tripping."

"You've a point. I can't even fathom to think how she tripped over that huge pile of magazines Alice had put in the hallway."

"I know! Everyone else managed to ignore it, but it's as if the minute she saw it, her brain went all 'A pile of avoidable magazines. Time to trip, Bella!' Good thing you were there to keep her from breaking an arm or something. You save her quite a bit from falling and hurting herself." Edward opened his mouth to say something, but instead of words, all I got was a long, pregnant pause.

"Well, uhm...hmm...I've just gotten so used to catching her, I guess, that it's a reflex."

"Right, not because you** LOVE **her!"

"What was that, Jasper?" Dammit! Didn't that happen to someone else earlier before? Meah.

"I said...uhh...hmm...I said that I do the same thing when Alice falls since I love her so much!"

"Love, huh..."

"Yep. That's right. Love. Speaking of which, have you found anyone you like yet?"

"Uh...well, since your not Emmett," (Ha! I thought to myself 'Hahahhaha Emmett, Edward trusts me more.') "I guess I could tell you. If I have, I mean." Smooth Edward. But you'll be forgiven if you give me the right answer to my question...

"Well, have you?"

"What?"

"Found anyone you like." I could feel the confusion emanating off him, but I always have been a bit sensitive to peoples emotions.

"Oh! Right! Well, there's this one girl. She's, well, she's pretty. Pale, with the thickest hair I've seen." She sounds kinda like Bella, which is a good thing if we want Alice to stay away from the La Push guys...

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. She's also in my Theatre class." Yes, yes, yes!

"Uh huh?"

"But I don't know if I like her like that." He did not just say that.

"Why's that?"

"She's a really good friend, but I'm getting these weird feelings when I see her, but then again I think of her as a friend, and then it's like 'Will you be my girlfriend?' Confusing, huh?"

"Confusing indeed." Jesus, what's up with Bella? **MAKE OUT WITH HIM ALREADY!**

"So you see my point." Yeah, I do. God. I would've given up from confusion by now.

"Mhmm. Oh! What's her name?" Say Bella, and I'll keep Alice from bothering you for the rest. Of. Your. Life.

"Uh...Marie Allebasi-Naws." What! But...but...but...that's not Bella!

"Oh." Luckily for me, Bella (why couldn't it be you!) called him away before an awkward silence could entirely take over the silence.

* * *

Oh. My. God. I need to find out who the hell "Marie Allebasi-Naws" is before Alice is kidnapped by the La Push guys! Dammit! Stupid Edward! How dumb can you be! Hell, if I wasn't so in love with Alice, I would pick Bella too!

"**ARGH**!"

"Jasper, honey?"

"Yes, Alice dear?" Alice came at the perfect moment.

"I heard you yelling...whats up?"

"I was just talking to Edward about who he likes-"

"Oh Emm Gee! Did he say Bella!?"

"Actually, no. He said he liked some girl named Marie Allebasi-Naws."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"I don't know!"

"What do you know?!" I thought back to the conversation.

"She's in his drama class, she's pale, and she has the thickest head of hair he's seen. He also doesn't know what to make of his feelings about her."

"You know, for someone who's supposed to be so smart, he sure is dumb."

"Uh huh."

"Well, that settles it, we're going to La Push tomorrow!"

"Fine, but only if I go with you. I don't want anyone hitting on my girl," I muttered.

"Jealousy is endearing on you."

"Is it now?"

"Excessively." We started kissing and Alice was pushing me on my bed. I was going to turn us over but-

"Oh my God!"

"Alice..."

"If we're going to go down to the beach tomorrow, we're going to have to go to the mall right now!"

"...It's 11:16."

"Yes, but it's Friday night! If we go to Seattle-"

"Ali! Seattle!"

"Come on Jasper, I need to get new bathing suits for Rosalie, Bella and me. Don't you want Edward to forget all about 'Marie" and focus on Bella? Better yet, she hit attract a couple of the native boys and Edward will get so jealous, he'll take us all home early." That did sound good...

"Is that it?"

"I'll model the suits for you..."

"Do get to drive your car?"

"...Fine."

"Well then. Let's go to Seattle."

* * *

**Hahaha. Jasper is so whipped! Does anyone know who Marie Allebasi-Naws is? I won't update until I get three reviews telling me who you think she is. :-P Don;t worry, you guys are smart. I'll trust you know who she is (: :-D. Find it incredulous that they would be going out so late? So do I, but they're part of the Cullen family. They can do anything. I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I was lacking in the ideas department. Bear with me, I promise the beach chapter will be in Bella's POV and be at least 3,000 words long. I wanna thank someone tonight: ABroadwayLvr for checking the original chapter. Well, I best be going now. Got a long chapter to start and finish :-D (:.**

**33**

**abroadwayluver**


	6. 6 : Bella

**Hehehehe. It's nice (and saddening) to see five of my reviewers are smart enough to use logic to find out the "Marie Allebasi-Naws" thing. I thot more people wood, you know, review about that instead of complimenting me (tho compliments are good!). I'm sure all my readers are very intelligent, but couldn't be bothered to review...Oh well. Whatever :d.To the person who's confused by who's POV it is...It says so in the chapter name. By the way, like I said, this chapter is in Bella's POV, and we're at the beach...get ready to encounter jealous Edward!**

* * *

"Bella!" I was at the Cullen's house. Alice had called me previously, inviting me to go to the beach with Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and herself. I must admit, I am rather afraid of Alice right now. Whenever we go out, she usually has some outfit she bought maybe the night before that she forces me to wear. I hope she didn't do the same this time, but just in case, I brought with me my best swimsuit.

"Alice!" Her perkiness was overwhelming at this hour of the morning. For fuck's sake, it's eight fucking o' clock in the fucking morning! As you can see, her joy is getting to my head. I never actually use that word...unless Alice Cullen is harassing me into doing something I seriously don't want to do.

"You can't wear that outfit!" What the hell. I was in jean shorts, a yellow-and-pink striped tank top, and I had my gingham mint green/white bikini. A bit revealing for my taste, but I had hoped it would pacify Alice for the time being. Sadly, it didn't and I was a tad bit afraid of whatever she would try to put me in.

"Why not!?"

"It's too...normal."

"Alice, I am not a flamingo or some other type of flamboyant animal. I am the epitome of normal."

"Not today you aren't!" Then she pulled out something I never expected to see.

"Don't you think it's just adorable?!"

"For once, Alice, I may just agree with you on this." The bikini Alice had picked out for me was tie-dyed, mostly yellow but pink, blue and green showed up every so often. It had peace signs of varying sizes showing up every so often. It was actually quite cute and not at all what I had thought Alice wanted me to wear. Feathers and missing pieces of cloth came to mind before, but this was something I would really wear more than once.

"Oh yeah, I also got you this thing." A large mass of cotton hit me and wrapped itself around my head. I pulled it off only to be pelted by by a pair of platform sandals. The straps looked over complicated and there was no way I could walk in the three inch heels, even if they were platform heels.

"Ow. Thanks for hitting me in the stomach and the chest with a pair of shoes that I indubitably will **not **be wearing today." I seemed to have broken Alice out of her stupor, seeing as she jumped up and held whatever was nearest to her - me - in what could only be accurately described as a death hold. I was tearing up and if the floor length mirror just behind us was to be believed, my face was turning red, white, and blue all at the same time, quite an amazing feat.

"Al-ice, I-I-I - can't - brea-eath!" She saw my oddly colored countenance, quickly releasing me.

"Whoops! Sorry Bella, I just got freaked out and hugged the person closest to me!" Hug? That was a hug?! She could have killed me! Hug, my left foot.

"Its...ohkay, Alice," I said weakly - mostly from lack of air in my lungs.

"So, Bella, what do you think about the outfit I got you?"

"It's nice, but you are insane," (which I don't doubt she is), "if you think I am going to wear these shoes." I held out the sandals.

"Oh those! No silly, those aren't for you!"

"Oh good, which are mine?" Pink flip-flops (to match the dotted dress and the bikini, of course) hit me in the eye.

"Ow! Dang!"

"Oh sorry Bella!...Again! Good golly, I seem to be injuring you a lot today! Sorry, but I'm insanely nervous." This interested me more than my current pain. What could Alice be nervous about? I voiced my question to her.

"Oh, haha, nothing at all. No need to worry your pretty little head!" Alice was acting in an uncharacteristic manner, as if she was planning something insane like, oh, I don't know, having Edward and a really hot member of the Quileute Indian tribe fight over me. That's a preposterous idea, though I doubt I would mind having Edward fight over me in a fit of jealo- what am I saying? Eww! Edward Cullen, one of my best friends, the brother of my closet friend and the current obsession of every girl in our grade? Ick. He is quite handsome, but ... eww! Me and Edward going out would be like...like...like Tom Cruise not being insane. It just couldn't happen!

"Uh. Huh. Right. Well uhm, I'll just change into my new clothes...like you should be too." I'm pretty sure Alice got herself a new suit too. She never did do something purely out of the good of her heart. As she usually quoted, "When you help others, you can't help helping yourself." I have no idea where she gets this stuff from. But I digress.

I put on my new articles of clothing that were recently bestowed upon me. I turned to look at myself in the mirror. I almost looked like a preppy Floridian girl if it weren't for the absence of a tan. Goldarn it. For the love of God, I lived in Phoenix for what seems to be forever, and I'm still as pale as Alice! Where's the justice in that? Do tell. Pale complexion aside, I looked ohkay, not too hideous. Since we were going to the beach, all I thought I needed to wear was pink lip gloss, but Alice showed me differently.

"Bella! You can't only be wearing lip gloss today!"

"...Why the heck not? We're going to the beach, Alice, **not** the mall."

"But...but...but...your eyes are too pale! Your lips could use a bit more color. How bout-" I clapped a hand over her mouth before she could go on a whole rant about what I was lacking in.

"Alice, if we wear makeup to the beach, it will run down your face and leave black streaks."

"...Fine. Stupid makeup running down my face..." Don't you love how water proof makeup isn't truly water proof?

"Come on, let's go," Rose called out to everyone. We ran out of the room and into the car, where I ended up sandwiched in between Alice and Edward. How nice.

"Hey Bella." I could feel Edward's hot breath on my neck and goosebumps broke out all over my upper body. That doesn't mean I like him, right? The neck is a very sensitive area and his hot breath just alerted all the nerves in that area. Right. No big deal. Don't forget, he likes Marie Allebasi-Naws...whoever that is.

"Hi Edward." I did a mental face palm. Did my voice really have to come out all airy? Marie Allbesai-Naws, Bella! Don't forget that!

"Hope your not too uncomfortable being pressed up against me," he said and them inexplicably flushed right after he said that. I couldn't find anything wrong with his words...Right-o.

"Ehh, don't worry. You and Alice are both really soft."

"That's **not** what she said!" I felt my face turning never-before-seen shades of red and Edward's cheek's felt especially warm behind my ears. Those were the least expected words that we thought Jasper Hale would say.

"Shut up you idiot."

"Oh come on Rose, like you weren't thinking it!"

"No, I wasn't you perv. Go away."

"Well Edward, this makes our situation kind of uncomfortable now." The one day my brain decided I needed to have issues about Edward.

"Hehehe, well you guys, we're at La Push now!" Thank God for Alice. She distracted everyone with that comment, as everyone was now getting their stuff from the car. I was left alone with my thoughts however, a most disadvantageous occurrence. Edward. Gee. The car ride here sure was awkward, huh? I gave a shaky laugh. It seems as if my body has jsut been flooded with hormones, and all those hormones are directed at Edward. Good golly. He was quite handsome, with his messy bronze hair, high cheekbones, pale skin, and his eyes, which appear like liquid topaz.

Can I tell you a secret? When I first met Edward, I had the biggest crush on him. I thought he had to be the most handsome boy on the world. Hmm. I keep repeating that word, handsome. Anyway, I thought Edward was the God's gift to the world. He's smart, funny, heavily charismatic, and those looks! Any model would kill to have his looks. He's also a darn good actor and singer, been lead in six musicals so far. So one day, we were both invited to a mutual friend's party, and my old crush, Tyler, was there, flirting with all the girls on the bus, which was taking us to the party. He started telling them I had a crush on him, so I told my friend Molly, who was my seat mate, that I had a crush on "that cute kid, Edward, in our drama class". She blurted it out to the whole bus. I could have died from the mortification, but the whole "crush" thing turned into a joke between us, and I'm sure he's forgotten all about it now.

"Hey Bella!" Jasper was calling me from a spot they had picked out, about fifty yards away. Whoa. That little story I just told you must have taken a while if everyone else got their stuff and are all the way down there. Jasper started running towards me. What did he have to say that was so important? Maybe Edward told him that he likes me and now Jasper was telling me that? I tried to squash the butterflies rising in my stomach. It can't be that, I told myself. Don't be so ridiculous. Those butterflies wouldn't listen though. I sighed. All their hopes were about to be crushed.

"Hey Belles, I just wanted to apologize for what I said in the car...Must've made you and Edward especially awkward, given the circumstances."

"Oh, it's ohkay, Jasper. Hold on a second...What circumstances?" My interest was piqued. What did he know about Edward that I didn't?

"Oh Bella, you of all people should know. Your his best friend! You honestly don't know?"

"I haven't the foggiest what you mean."

"Oh. Well, hehe, some of us think Edward kinda likes you." The butterflies made a revisit.

"What do you mean?"

"Ha! This is bloody amazing! Well, you see how Edward finds reasons to touch you? He also tries to make you laugh, and he teases you constantly." Huh. Well, everytime I go on a tangent about how he makes me feel like a midget, he always hugs me. Sometimes he instigates the whole "short" thing. He also has an odd habit of playing with my hair. He seems fascinated by it, calling it the thickest hair he's seen. He loves to make fun of everyone who annoys him or me, making weird impressions of them.

"Jasper, though I do admit that is all true...He can't possibly like me. Edward does that with every girl he meets. Also, I happen to know he likes some girl named Marie Allebasi-Naws."

"Ah hah! That's another clue that he likes you. Think about the name carefully." I did as he said, wondering what was so special about the name. Then, it all clicked. Naws backwards spells Swan, Allebasi Isabella, and Marie is my middle name. I gave a quick gasp, unable to be heard unless you had preternatural hearing. The butterflies flitted around even faster than before. Edward Cullen might like me. Oh. My. God.

"Ohkay Jasper, I'll give you that...but he said he doesn't know if he likes me."

"I've seen how he acts with you. You can be assured that he likes you."

I stood there for a second, without a doubt looking like a fool. Edward liked me. Edward, my best friend since last year liked me. The guy I had a huge crush on last year liked me. I was absorbing all this in, feeling slightly overwhelmed. How long has he? I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to do a happy dance, right there on the beach, proclaiming to the world that Edward Anthony Cullen likes Bella Swan. At the same time, I wanted to hide under a rock. Maybe Jasper was mistaken. How could he jsut assume something like that? Argh. I need to go swim for a bit.

"Bella, still in shock," Jasper asked me with the slightest hint of a grin.

"Uhm, a bit. I think I'm going to go swimming now."

"I'll join you." We linked arms and skipped down to the beach, reveling in all the childish joy it gave us to have older people shake their heads or worry for our sanity. Sigh. To be a child again. Kids never worried about who liked who. They often acted as if the opposite sex had cooties. I yearn for those days.

Jasper and I stopped right at the water's edge. He was about to push me in but as soon as I felt his palms on my back, I turned around, grabbed his wrist, and flipped him over my back.

"Whoa! Holy crap," Emmett cried out behind me. Jasper looked thoroughly shell-shocked as a wave washed over him.

"Who knew Bella could do something like that?!" I turned to face my audience, Rose, who was just about to go into the water herself and Emmett, who looked like he just won the lottery.

"Of course she can! My little sharkey can do just about anything," Edward bragged, hugging me from behind in a very loose manner and clasping his hands together at my lower stomach. I shivered a bit, then quickly recovering.

"It does pay to be the daughter of Chief Swan." At that moment, three Quileute boys ran down the beach in our direction and skidded to a stop at my feet. The tallest of the two fell flat on his back.

"Hi," the shortest one of the trio said.

"We just saw what you did. That was friggin amazing," his other friend exclaimed.

"Uhm, thanks. Who are you," I inquired.

"Oh, I'm Embry Call, this guy is Quil Ateara," pointing to his shorter friend, "and that loser on the sand is Jacob Black."

"Jacob Black...that name sounds familiar. I suppose it's our turn to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Bella Swan, and my friends with me are Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale, and Jasper Hale," I replied, pointing at each person when I named them.

"Oh! I know you, Bella," Jacob exclaimed, getting off the sand.

"Uhm, how? I have the most inexplicable feeling that I know you as well."

"My dad is Billy Black; Your father and my father go fishing together."

"Oh! Yes, Charlie mentions him a lot."

"Mhmm. We used to join them on their fishing trips. Until you moved to Phoenix, anyway."

"So, who wants to start chickenfighting," Emmett cried out, successfully ending our conversation. Everyone answered back with murmurs of assent.

"Lets get started then!"

"Who's going to be paired up, Emmett?"

"Hmm...Jacob and Bella, Rosalie and I, Quil and Embry, and Jasper and Edward share Alice." I saw Edward and Jasper wince. Alice got a bit overeager when it came to chicken fighting, occasionally injuring the other players and her own team.

"Who's going first?"

"Jacob/Bella and Edward/Alice." All of the Cullens/Hales had wide grins on their faces (except for Edward; he seemed nervous.). Good Lordy, did everyone know about Edward except the newcomers, Edward, and myself?

Jacob got on his knees, waiting for me to sit on his shoulders. I noticed he had quite broad shoulders. His russet skin gleamed in the light. I took in all his physical features, and you could easily say he was strikingly handsome, even when you compared him to Edward. That said enough about his looks.

"Ready to start the fight?" Edward and Jacob nodded their agreement. I noted that Edward fixed Jacob with a steely gaze. What was his issue?

"Alright! 3...2...1!" Alice had immediately gone for my wrists, holding them down with one hand, tickling my ribs with the other. I writhed about for a bit before my hands were let go off. I tried to push her roughly off, but Edward had a tight grip on her. Alice, once again, grabbed my wrists, twisting them back and forth. When she tired of that, she tickled me again. The tickling got to me this time and we were down in 2 minutes and 56 seconds flat. Edward smirked down at Jacob before saying:

"Shame , my little sharkey that you weren't partnered up with me. I wouldn't have let go of you. Ever."

"However Cullen, she wasn't partnered up with you. She was with me," Jacob riposted. This is getting kinda awkward. Whats with all the glaring and tension.

"Oh-kay, well, uhm...Edward and Alice are the winners of round one. Up next...Edward/Alice versus Quil and Embry!" Thank God for Rose. She had to have noticed the tension (who wouldn't have? It was very palpable) and told Emmett to start a new round before Edward and Jacob got into a real fight. The chicken fighting continued on until Quil/Embry were declared the champions. We then retreated back to the shore.

"Well Bella, today's been a fun day...maybe you would like to go out some time?" Today is "National Shock-Bella-Day". It must be.

"Uhm...maybe."

"Oh, scared what Edward might think?"

"N-n-no!" Jacob chuckled.

"Right. When he breaks your heart...you know where to find me." He called Embry and Quil towards him.

"Come on you guys, let's go home. I'll see you some other day, Bella!" Jacob winked at me and walked back to the reserve with Quil and Embry.

"That's our cue to go home then, you guys," Alice announced. We picked up all our stuff. I was getting up when Edward tapped me on the shoulder.

"Bells, I heard what Jacob wanted from you."

"Oh. I think I'll take him up on that offer," I said offhandedly.

"I don't think you should, Bella," Edward replied. The butterflies came back full force, I flushed light pink, and my heart rate increased.

"Why not, Edward," I asked quietly. He touched my face, pulled my hair back and said:

"Because I-"

"Bella! Edward! Enough flirting! Get back to the car!"

I really hate Jasper sometimes.

* * *

**Damn Jasper! Edward was just about to tell Bella he liked her! :-P. Here's the 3,000 word chapter I promised you. Was it too boring, too long? Tell me! I want to congratulate cullens12, Pain Ever Lasting, gandforev899, ABroadwayLvr, and invisible2thecloudedmind for being so astute about the Marie thing! Next chapter is going to be in Edward's POV, Ill try to post it up by Wednesday (I'm such a slow updater :-P)**

**Love, **

**abroadwayluver**


	7. Authors note dont kill me

**Ugh! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but I end up doing this anyway! Im so sorry you guys, dont kill me! I have a serious issue with chapter seven, I jsut dont know what to do! Please send me ideas of what I shood do and stuff! And remember, I am doing this chapter from Edward's perspective!**

**Dont kill me!,**

**abroadwayluver**


	8. 7: Edward

"Because I-"

"Bella! Edward! Enough flirting! Get back to the car!"

I could kill Jasper Hale right about now. I was _thisclose_ to telling Bella I liked her. Yeah, I like Bella. Gotta problem with that? Argh! I so damn angry! Where's Jasper? Where is he!?

"It's nice to see that you two came back in one piece. At the pace you were going, I was afraid that a werewolf had kidnapped you." How easy would it be to wipe that smile off of Jasper's face? Just a quick punch to the face, and all would be good. No, calm down Cullen. Calm. Down. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Woo. Ohkay. Deep breaths.

**Now, you don't want to kill Jasper, do you?**

_Yes I do!_

**Why's that?**

_Because he ruined the chances of-_

**Of what?**

_Of me telling Bella that I like her._

**So you admit it.**

_Yes I admit it! Weren't you there earlier?_

**I was. I merely wanted to hear you admit it to yourself.**

_Well, you got your confession. Now let me kill Jasper!_

**Uh-uh. You don't want to do that. Jasper' your friend. He's also Bella's friend. And Alice's boyfriend. Rosalie's brother. Emmett's best friend. Just imagine what would happen if you tried to murder him.**

_... Ohkay, so I don't want to kill Jasper...yet. But what happens if Bella does go out with Jacob._

**So let it be. Don't forget Jasper has no idea you like Bella. The Marie Allebasi-Naws thing had to have thrown him off.**

_Thanks, normal half._

**You're welcome, violent half.**

That was weird. I just had an internal fight with myself. Right-o. I think that's normal with Alice and Emmett as my siblings. I best act as driver so that I can resist throttling Jasper as I sit behind him in the back row.

"I call driver!"

'Dammit Edward, I wanted to be driver again!"

"Sorry Rosalie, but you got your chance! Time to let me drive."

"Fine, but if you get any scratches on my baby, I will castrate you, break both your legs, rip your spine in half, and have angry dwarfs molest what's left of you." Whoa. Graphic much? Jesus, it's just a car.

"Oh-kay, Rose..." I got in the car, and sped the hell out of La Push. As I drove, I thought about all the happenings of today. Bella pressed up against me in the car, Bella flipping Jasper over, **Jacob and his friends arriving to compliment Bella, the chicken fights, Jacob Black hitting on the girl that was supposed to be mine, Jasper keeping me from telling her that I liked her, **I jsut couldn't control myself and I lost all semblance of reality. I made a sharp turn towards the woods nearby and nearly crashed into the tree before making another sharp turn to avoid crashing.

"Holy Fuck!" Oh dear. Alice is going to kill me.

"We're going to die, we're going to die, we're going to die!" Good God. Didn't anyone have faith in me?

I did a 180 in the middle of the street, nearly crashing into an old lady, and began speeding towards Jacob Black's house. Alice and Rosalie were screaming harder and high pitched than I had ever heard before, but that was nothing compared to their screams when we were getting close to Jacob's house and I went even faster.

Everyone stopped screaming and bore looks of sheer terror as we crashed straight into Jacob Black's house, leaving a man sized hole in the wall. Well, at least...now they have a new entrance. In the rear view mirror I saw Jacob Black come running out of the forest, looking more than slightly freaked out. The minute I saw him, I completely snapped. I backed up and began heading for Jacob.

"Edward Cullen! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BECOME A MURDERER!" Oh. Right. Don't kill Jacob. Ha. I suppose Alice is good for something. I suddenly stepped on the breaks and everyone went flying forward. Lucky for us, we were all wearing seatbelts.

"Eh, hehe, about that guys. Sorry, just uhm...the sugar from all the soda got to me! Yeap, you know how I am when I have too much sugar!" Judging from the stares everyone gave me, I must have looked insane. Alice suddenly lunged forward and grabbed my neck.

"EDWARD! YOU ALMOST FUCKING KILLED US FOUR TIMES YOU BASTARD ASSHOLE! THAT MAKES SIX TIMES FOR ME! I'M NOT A FUCKING CAT! I ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE! I'M NOT A FREAKING VAMPIRE! I'M NOT INDESTRUCTIBLE, YOU KNOW! JUST YOU WAIT! YOU BETTER STAY IN ONE SPOT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I WILL RIP OUT YOUR THROAT AND THROW IT TO MY CAT, AND THEN I WILL TAKE CARLISLE'S MEDICAL TOOLS AND CUT OUT PERFECTLY ROUND HOLES FROM YOUR STOMACH! AND THEN-"

"Oh-kay Alice!" Emmett pulled her right off me, thank God. I don't know what would have ahppened first, me dying from suffacation or my neck being snapped into two pieces, the way she was wringing and moving it back and forth.

"Shhh...calm down...OH MY GOD! I SAID CALM DOWN, NOT 'BITE OFF MY HAND'! Alice! The power of Christ compels you! Jasper! Take my demonic sister before she kills everyone in this car!"

"Ali, Ali, shh, shh, don't worry, we're all safe now, ohkay? Keep calm." Thank the lord for Jasper Hale. It's as if he can control emotions and whatnot. Or maybe it's because Alice is in love with him. Who knows?

"Well, uhm, my father jsut wanted me to check that you're all still alive, since you kinda ran into my room."

"Uh, hahaha Jacob, sorry, look, how much do you think it's gonna cost to ah, fix that?"

"First of all, don't worry about that, we can fix that. Second of all, dude, after how your sister nearly committed homicide, I wouldn't charge you if we were dirt poor. By the way, Alice?"

"Yes, Jacob?" Oh. Oh. Oh _now_ shes mellowed out. Good God.

"Don't use that language so loudly. I think you've just sent quite a few of the children and their mothers into shock." Alice went slightly pink.

"Uh...I'll try to remember that."

"Yeah, sure, then she'll turn around and rip off someone's head using the exact same language," Emmett muttered. Poor guy. Alice turned back and did exactly as he predicted. We all winced, hearing the girlish shrieks and the words that would make a sailor shocked.

"Uhm, that's ohkay Jacob, but I still think we should pay for the damages." Darn me and my politeness. I did owe him since I kinda crashed into his house and almost ran him over...

"Fine. 200 dollars," he sighed. Two hundred dollars, thats it? I did him one better and gave him 2,000 dollars. His eyes widened, appearing as glassy saucers.

"Uh, thanks, but I can't take all of it."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Yes. You. Can."

"No. I. Can't." I turned the car back on and ran into his house again. Everyone gave me glares that promised me tomorrow would not be a good day.

"I think you can."

"You know what, hehe, yeah, I was wrong, sorry, the damages _are_ about 2,000." He looked the slightest bit scared of me. Hey, he wouldn't take the money. Can you blame me? He scurried back into his house. I guess that's our cue to go back home.

* * *

Surprisingly, Rosalie let me continue driving as long as I promised not to fly into another flying road rage episode. I countered back that I did not, I was just a bit energized from the sugar and the caffeine. She hot me a look that suggested that if I didn't quiet down and go back to driving right now, I would wake up surrounded by flamingos without pants, wondering where the hell I am. Isn't she so convincing? So now we're back at the house, all still kind of shocked by my breakdown, to say the least.

"Good God, Eddie! What was that all about? I see why Mom freaks out whenever you eat anything remotely sweet."

"She does that to everyone, you idiot."

"Hey! I resent that Alice! I think you're the idiot for having such a short temper." Even now, we could see Alice's ears turning iridescent red, a sure sign she was mad. Sigh. Poor Emmett. He should have let it go. I think what's going to happen next is reason enough why not to complain about the use of the nickname "Eddie."

"Short temper, eih? You said short temper," and at this we started shrinking away from Alice. She looked like that girl from the exorcist. Her voice was certainly nothing like the perky voices of the girls from Legally Blonde the Musical. Don't ask as to how I know of it. It happens when you have a sister and your best friend's a girl.

"So, Emmett, you say I have a 'short temper'." Why did he have to use the word short? He could have said temperamental, just not short. Alice was rather sensitive about her height.

"Why, yes, yes I did, indeed." Stupid suicidal maniac. We're going to miss him and his antics.

"You want to know what a short temper is?"

"Why, what is it, Alice?"

"THIS!" With that, she tackled Emmett to the ground. Her limbs begin flailing around blindly, hoping to get a piece of Emmett with each flail. She punched him in the face seven times, kneed him in the groin, bended his wrists back, and bit his legs. As amusing as this was, when we saw blood pooling around Emmett's head, Jasper pulled Alice off before she actually murdered him.

"Ali, I think it's time to stop. Imagine what Carlisle would think if his own son had to be sent to the hospital and his daughter arrested by her best friend's dad?"

"Don't forget what Mom will do when she sees the bloodstains on the floor!"

"...Only because of Mom will I stop my murder of Emmett Cullen. But I will egt my sweet revenge one day. Just you wait."

"Dat's awl fine and dandy, but will someone 'elp mwe up?"

"Alice, I think you broke his nose," Bella remarked as she rushed to help Emmett. Ah, my angel. Maybe I should get Alice to injure me so that Bella takes care of me.

"Whatever. He deserves it," Alice muttered all the while glowering at Emmett.

"Well, even though this is usually Alice's thing and I normally wouldn't suggest this, maybe we should have a party celebrating the survival of my baby and ourselves during Edward's drive of doom."

"Yay!" Isn't anyone else convinced she's bipolar?

"Melodramatic, don't you think," I commented to Rose.

"You almost ran over Jacob Black."

"Point taken."

"So, should we have a party or not?"

"**Yes**!" Ten points if you know who squealed that out.

"What about our parents," Bella questioned, thinking she was being subtle with her attempts at trying to get out of the party. Haha. Poor simple thing. I'm sure Alice had an answer for that.

"I will arrange for Mom and Dad to have a night out to themselves."

"How are you going to do that," Bella asked with hope in her voice. Poor simple thing, indeed.

"Remind them that it's been a long time since they've been alone and-"

"Ohkay! Enough with that! No need for any of us to be scared for life!" Spending time in a mental asylum isn't very pleasant, or so I've heard.

"Let's get ready to have a party then, ladies, gentlemen and Emmett," Jasper sighed with an air of resignation. No one wanted a repeat performance of Emmett's beating.

* * *

**Heheheh, I didn't feel like having a party scene in Edward's POV, so it will in Rosalie's POV (FINALLY) next chapter. **

**Omr (oh my robbie) I wrote to robert pattinson, and I think he think's im a stlaker (:**

**Dont you love him? He's SOOOOOOO hot! **

**Hey, I wanted to know if anyone reading is a guy? It's kinda cute when a guy reads twilight :-P **

**Don't ask why, I won't know.**

**I'm thinking of writing a Legally Blonde based version of twilight (dont worry, Bella will be brunette) whatdya think?**

**I think i'll stop now.**

**See you next time,**

**abroadwayluver**


	9. 8: Rosalie

**Second or third most boring chapter, maybe first, shortest chapter in story so far.**

* * *

_Plan # 3 :_

_Who: Bedward...whoever else we need after the time of our plannation._

_What: Force Bedward to dance by causing him (Edward) to become jealous by having a steady stream of people willing to dance with Bella._

_Where: Any party we've thrown/been invited to._

_When: I...I don't know._

_Why: Bedward. End of story._

* * *

I stared at my surroundings, bored out of my expansive mind. Per usual, Alice decorated the party, and, per usual, she refused to let anyone help. Of course, us being the good, kind, lovely (in more ways than one) friends that we are, we allowed her to overwork herself. Who are we to argue with her? The walls were covered in multi-colored sparkly streamers that, well, sparkled when the also multi-colored lights hit them. A large disco ball was hanging from the ceiling (I honestly do not want to know where she got a disco, neither how the heck she managed to decorate in under 20 minutes flat) and a buffet table was set out, catered by our very own darling Edward (even if he does irritate me so).

Alice came running down the stairs, her yellow cocktail dress flowing behind her. What need was there for a cocktail dress? I thought this was a normal, albeit 70's themed party. Then again, Alice does enjoy being the center of attention...

"Remember what plan three is," she gasped out. Ha! It wasn't possible anyone could have that much energy. I took a slip of paper containing all of our plans out of my Rock and Republic jeans.

"Get Edward to dance with Bella, blah, blah, blah, no one cares."

"Good..."

The first of our guests (which I still am not sure who they are) arrived. Fantastic, it was Jessica...whatever her last name was and her horrific Robert Cavalli fish scale jeans. You know, just because it's designer, ladies, doesn't mean you should actually **use** it. Speaking of another horrible designer fashion fluke, Lauren Mallory walked though our door with a disgusting pair of Robert Cavalli -gasp- **bedazzled jeans**. The minute Bella saw who arrived, she squeaked and hid in the kitchen with Edward. Hmm...suddenly, my respect for Lauren goes up. Hahahaha, if you believed that, have I got a bridge to sell you.

Luckily for all of us, the drawing room was quickly filled as more people arrived. Bella, noticing the increase of people, slipped past me out of the kitchen and dragged Edward along with her. Aww, they look like such a cute couple, with her in a blue trapeze dress, completely covered in sequins and Edward in his striped button down shirt and jeans. All we need is for him to wrap his arms around her waist and-

"Hi, I'm Marie Allebasi-Naws." Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Bella, Edward, and myself were shocked. I, I thought she didn't exist! M.A.N. had thin, shoulder length blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. It sounded pretty, but it really wasn't. She looked like every other blonde you see on the street-nothing like me, of course.

"Uhm, huh-huh-huh-huh-hi. I'm Edward Cu-cu-Cullen," Edward stammered.

"Oh, I know! My cousin Lauren has told me **so** much about you." She fluttered her eyes in a manner akin to someone trying to get something out of their eyes. The bint's cousin is Lauren Mallory. Freakin' unbelievable. Well, **that's** another strike against her.

"Rosie, I'm scared. What's going on," whispered Emmett in my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I don't really know but we should keep an eye on her, don't want anything keeping Edward from Bella..." I said, turning to face Emmett.

* * *

An hour passed, and I was still standing by the fireplace, not as bored, however, thanks to Emmett.

"Stanley!"

"What did you say, Rosie?"

"Oh, earlier, I forgot what Jessica's last name was, and I just remembered what her last name is!"

"Blonde," he laughed, flicking chips at my hair. I brushed the bits and pieces of chips out of my hair.

"You know," I replied, "by calling my blonde, you call yourself blonde because I'm **your **blonde, after all, you picked me out of all the girls in the world. It's a six degree thing, or something like that."

"I have absolutely no idea what you just said. I just heard you say that you're **my** blonde, and that I picked you out of all the girls in the world."

"Was that really all you heard," I inquired of him, mildly amused.

"Yes. You know, Rose, I picked you out of all the girls in the world because no other girl could possibly compare. Your stubborn to a fault, anyone else would say. But your stubbornness is not a fault. You have no faults. You are the most beautiful, pure hearted girl in the world. You're the last thing I want to see before I die. You're my angel, Rosalie Hale." I blushed cherry red, not knowing what to say.

"You know, I called you stupid," I answered weakly.

"You know," Emmett grinned, mocking my answer, "I said I love you."

"I, I love you too, Emmett." He kissed me firmly on the lips, a hair-curling, knee-popping, euphoria-inducing kiss.

"Rosalie!" I was going to murder whoever just ruined my moment.

"Alice, you and my brother have an unusual talent at killing moments, didya know that?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen. Look over there," she said urgently, pointing at some bronzed-haired guy dancing with Marie. Wait a second ... who else could have that shade of hair besides Edward?

"Why's he dancing with her? I thought he liked Bella," Emmett asked, voicing my questions.

"She asked him, and you know how he's a bloody gentleman! Doesn't he look uncomfortable?" He did look quite uncomfortable indeed. He looks as if someone went up to him and showered him with hot lava. Isn't that pleasant?

"Well, what are you going to do, Ali?" Jasper joined our group.

"Everybody, don't freak out. I just called Jacob and asked him to bring a couple friends to the party."

"_**Again**_ with the Quileute boys. Will the madness never end?"

"Jazz! Now is **not** the time to be jealous. If it makes you feel better, I'll dance with you, ohkay?"

"**Fine**," Jasper said dramatically, giving a long-suffering sigh, before returning to his usual pastime: Stalking Alice. Emmett and I giggled at his antics.

"Hey, look Emmet, he's already here." The russet-skinned, raven-haired boy strutted through the door.

"Someone thinks a bit highly of themselves, don't you think?"

"Don't worry. 'No other boy could compare to you'."

"Well, good! I'm not a boy. I'm a **man**." Emmett puffed out his chest, acting very pompous. I grinned at him.

"I dunno, it's more like your a little boy trapped in the body of a man."

"Could a little boy do this," he riposted, kissing me again with all the passion he could muster.

"Yes, and then I would be arrested for molesting a child," I muttered, breathlessly cheeky. How had I gotten so damn lucky? Not **that** way. Get your mind out of the gutter, you sick, depraved people living in my head.

"Hahaha Jazz, see? I told you, nothing to worry about, especially me being taken away by hot Quileute boys," laughed Alice as she danced her way towards us, with Jasper in tow.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...it wouldn't be that way if I hadn't firmly established that you are my girlfriend." Someone looked surly, yet quite triumphant. How peculiar.

"What did you do, Jasper?"

"He grabbed me and more or less raped my mouth trying to 'firmly establish that I am, indeed, his girlfriend.'"

"Ha! Nice job," Emmett exclaimed as he and Jasper high-fived each other. Alice rolled her eyes good-naturedly at me, while I grinned.

"Anyway, moving on, will you look at that? Jacob's dancing with Bells."

"Hahaha, Eddie doesn't look too happy about the predicament," Emmett noted. Doesn't look too happy was an understatement. He looked like he would rip Jacob into shreds the longer he danced with Bella. That airhead _**Marie**_ didn't notice, of course. She _was_ Lauren's cousin, afterall.

"What are we going to do," Jasper inquired. Always the innocent, my brother. Maybe Alice did that to him.

"Nothing at all. We're going to sit down, little brother-"

"Only by a few minutes!"

"-and watch the chaos ensue." Oh, come on! Is today national "Ruin Rosalie's Moments Day"?! Bella approached us, and, Edward, being the strangely cute little stalker of her, followed.

"Alice! Save us," they pleaded simultaneously.

"What's wrong, my little english muffins?"

"...Hungry, are you?"

"Yes, quite, but I don't want to miss a second of this party."

"Oh yeah! Alice, save me from Marie!"

"Edward, I thought you liked Marie," Bella said icily. Oh she's subtle, alright.

"Yeah, well, what about you and Jacob?!"

"What? Jacob and I? At least Jacob isn't some _leach_ out to molest me!" The two turned around to face each other.

"Oh please, haven't you seen all the looks he's giving you? He wants to do quite a bit more than molest me, if I'm right!"

"Ugh! You're so pigheaded! What about _Marie_? Have you heard what she's said about you all night? 'Oh Edward, you're so ... big.' Ha! The bint thinks she's being **soooooo** subtle!"

"Yeah well-" I cut out their arguing for a second. Emmett and I noticed that they were in a perfect position to appear as if they were kissing if someone would just, oh, i don't know, push them. Emmett snuck up behind Edward and I behind Bella, and we simply, well, pushed them.

Edward and Bella looked highly shocked to see their lips stuck together. Bella started to move her lips, trying to speak through their lip lock and get them out of their predicament. Unfortunately, her moving lips only helped spur the speculation that they were, indeed, snogging.

"Did you see that? Why-"

"I always knew Bella and Edward liked each other!"

"Oh my God, their being so public!"

"No! Bella!"

"Why on Earth would Edward like her?"

At that moment, Bella did the inevitable : she pushed Edward off and ran screaming from the house. We heard tires screeching off into the night.

"I'll be going to my room," Edward mumbled, shocked, and, -dare I say it- disappointed? The crowd around us looked at one another, shrugged, and continued partying.

"Safe to say plan # 3 failed?"

Alice sent me a long suffering glare.

* * *

_Plan # 3 :_

_Who: Bedward...whoever else we need after the time of our plannation._

_What: Force Bedward to dance by causing him (Edward) to become jealous by having a steady stream of people willing to dance with Bella._

_Where: Any party we've thrown/been invited to._

_When: I...I don't know._

_Why: Bedward. End of story._

_Status: Failed. Because Rosalie Hale is a big **IDIOT**!_

* * *

**Hahaha! Interesting chapter right? Ignore the warning up front, original was INCREDIBLY BORING! Uhm...so...idk. I wrote Rob pattinson a letter! But I think he thinks im a stalker. Thats ohkay tho, if he writes back (**

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Well, I have nothing else to say.**

**OH YEAH! Right! ABroadwayLvr wrote like, the first half of the story, cuz I was in one HECK! of a writing slump! Thankkkksssssssssssssss and snaps! to her! (:**

**See you soon!**

**abroadwayluver**


	10. 9: Jacob

**Hahaha! This is a Special Edition Chapter...It's a filler JACOB CHAPTER! -OOO- there will only be two or three of his kind, so be nice to him, ohkay? thanks.**

* * *

"Whoa. At least Bella doesn't seem to like Edward much, eih, Jacob," chimed in Quil.

"Yeah! You've still got a chance," Embry reminded me. I had a bit of trouble believing my friends however. Bella didn't look disgusted by the turn of events, merely startled.

"Uh, guys? I'm going to go see where Bella is ... see you later..."

"Bye!" I knew the guys wouldn't be too concerned; a group of girls had been looking at us and sending flirtatious glances our way the entire night, even as I danced with Bella. I flew out of the house, when I realized that we had come to the party in Embry's car. Dammit! Wait, I think I see Bella and her truck but 50 yards away. I walked at a leisurely pace, assured in the fact that her truck had just broken down, judging by the frantic tone of her voice and the occasional usage of a swear word.

"Goddamn it! Whydya break down now?!" there was also that.

"I can help," I announced to her. She jumped, startled out of her mind, and fell flat on her bum.

"God Jacob, you just scared the shit out of me!"

"I don't recall you being this foulmouthed at the beach." A smile plastered itself onto my face.

"Yeah well, I didn't have so many fucking surprises that day," she muttered under her breath.

"Uh huh. Right."

"Look, can you just help, you smug bastard?"

"Hmm, I don't think I will after you called me such mean words."

"Argh! Fine! Will you_ please_ help me,"

"Ohkay. Geez, no need to beg."

"Jacob Black, you are being especially infuriating tonight!"

"Aww, Bella, your words cut me deep. What happened? You didn't seem so annoyed when we danced."

"That was before I knew you could be so tiresome."

"Right. So, what's the problem?"

"The damn car just stopped! Out of nowhere!"

"Mhmm...let me try driving it."

"What? Don't believe me? You're such a pigheaded male!"

"I never took you for the feminist type."

"I'm not. I'm just frustrated at the world right now."

"I didn't know the world constituted entirely of men."

"Did you not see what Emmett and Jasper did!?"

"Yes, I saw what Emmett did. What did Jasper do?"

"He pushed me into Edward!"

"Nope, that was Rosalie."

"But..I saw a streak of blond hair, and Jasper wasn't nearby and...Damn twins!" Bella certainly was infuriated.

"Bells, calm down. Let me just try and fix your car." I got behind the wheel of the car, making sure she wasn't freaking out for no reason. Maybe she took the key out of the ignition in her mad attempt to get out of the party. I sneaked a peak at the dashboard and saw her issue.

"Bella, I have something to tell you."

"What do you have to tell , Jacob? I swear, if it's a slight on my intelligence, I will-"

"How did you know? Look, you dumb blonde-"

"I'm not even blonde!"

"For the purposes of me annoying you, you are now."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're acting like a right idiot. Anyway, when was the last time you put gas in your car?"

"Uh." There was a pause.

"Right. About that...the last time I put the gas in my car? Wait for it...wait for it...wait for it...Oh yeah! Two...months ago..."

"I'm surprised it hasn't run out faster."

"Yeah well, I don't feel the need to go anywhere. Geez. Stop being a butthead."

"...No one's called me a butthead since the third grade."

"Maybe not to your face..." We both laughed at that. Spending time with Bella was never a regret for me. Sounds weird, as I've only begun to really get to know her today. Perchance since we've known each other since we were little, really, the bonds of friendship had already been established. Don't get me wrong though, I wouldn't mind being more, ah, intimate with Bella. Her thick wavy mane of brown chocolate contrasted prettily with her pale skin and her sempiternal red flush. Bella's brown eyes had a certain depth to them. They often betrayed her emotions, which, at the current moment, was elation. Her cerise-colored lips were in the shape of a grin as she tried to stop laughing. I had a sudden urge to kiss her. Oh, how the seeds of obsession have been sown.

"Jacob, didn't anyone ever teach you that staring is rude?"

"What?! Oh, uhm...yeah. Hahaha, sorry." Bella's countenance wore an expression of worry, perhaps for my sanity.

"Uh. Huh. How long do you think this party is going to last?"

"What time is it now?"

"One in the morning."

"One more hour then. Why?"

"Well, in my mad dash to leave the party," here, she winced, "I forgot that I promised Alice I would sleep over."

"So? Skip the sleepover."

"I can't!" Her expression was replaced by intense fear.

"Why's that?"

"Don't you remember the attack on Edward after you came out of your house?"

"Reckon she'll do that to you?"

"Reckon?! I **KNOW** she will! But she'll be sneaky about it. Yes. She'll go downstairs, get a wet cloth and a short, sharp knife. She'll stuff my mouth with the cloth and-"

"Ohkay! I really have no need for the gory details."

"Are you sure? You seem like the type to be into horror, but more supernatural. Vampires, werewolves, that kinda thing."

"My dad, psycho that he is, believes in all the old Indian superstitions. I'm supposed to be descended from werewolves," I scoffed.

"Oh-kay."

A long, comfortable silence ensued (actually, five minutes, but that can be seen as a long silence to some).

"What time is it?"

"1:26."

"Ah, 34 minutes left with you. How dreadful," I groaned jokingly.

"Ow!"

"What happened to you?"

"I tried punching you!"

"Oh really, didn't feel a thing."

"So, Jacob."

"So Bella."

"Have any ideas what we should for the next," here, she glanced down at her watch, "32 minutes?"

"Well there is _one_..."

"Do tell." I showed her the two unopened bottles of beer I snuck out from the house, which someone _else_ had snuck _in_. I wasn't intending on getting drunk, don't worry, but she **did** ask for something to pass the time...

"Oh no! Not this!"

"What," I asked, the image of innocence. Bella didn't seem to think so.

"I am not getting drunk with you!"

"Oh Bells, think of this as a game. In fact, let's imagine the game is called 'I Never'!" Bella glowered at me.

"Fine, but if I get drunk, you're taking me back to the house, ohkay?"

"Which house?"

"The Cullen house. Duh."

"Ohkay, ohkay. Let's start."

"Hmm...I never kissed a girl."

One sip from me.

"I've never slept over at the Cullen house."

A glare and a sip from her.

"I've never drunken beer before."

"Bella! You're in high school," I cried before I sipped from my beer. She smacked me again.

"I've never gotten drunk."

"I just said I've never drunken beer before. What am I supposed to get drunk from?!"

"Love. Hugs. Happiness. Geez."

"Stop being a butthead!"

"Again with the use of that word!"

"Shut up. I've never had sex before."

"Bella! You never cease to amaze me!" I made a motion as if reaching for my beer, but then I told her I was just joking.

"Yeah, right."

"Serious!"

"...Like Sirius Black?!"

Awkward silence.

"Just continue."

"Ohkay...I've never gone farther than first base with a girl."

"Neither have I."

"Ahh, poor choice of words. Your turn."

"I've never had a boyfriend-or a girlfriend," smirking as she said it.

"Shocker. How could you not with such a _lovely_ attitude?"

"Shut up, Jacob."

"Addicted to hitting people, eih?"

"Is that supposed to be dirty?"

"Maybe." I did that retarded wiggle thing with my eyebrows that most people do when they...insinuate things. Her lovely llittle giggle escaped her sweet lips.

"Your turn, stupid."

"Hmm...I've never used lip gloss before."

Another sip from her.

"Some could consider that a sexist remark, you know?"

"Then call me a sexist."

"I've never played a drinking game before."

"I have."

"Then drink, idiot."

"Fine, woman."

We saw a light suddenly flash from the Cullen house-more like a manor, but that seems just a bit too formal. A steady trickle of people let out.

"Ahh. A tie. We have to continue another day."

"Perhaps."

Almost the entire party invitees had left, leaving behind 5 or 10 people.

"Well Jake, it's been a nice time, but I must run. Don't want Alice to murder me!"

"We will continue another day!"

"Maybe, loser." She hugged me just before she left, and I like to delude myself into believing that hug lasted longer than it should have. I saw her run up to the house, and waited for Quil and Embry.

* * *

**Hi guys. Short chapter. Hey, does anyone actually read these things? I want to thank theninjafrommars for being my 40th reviewer. Snaps to you! Snaps to ABroadwayLvr too for proofreading.**

**Catcha Later,**

**abroadwayluver.**


	11. Sorry, Guys

**I'm sorry guys, but this story will not be updated for at most 2 weeks, doue to complications with my reader person and a serious bad writing jag, worse than normal. I'm sorry!**


	12. 10: Bella

**Hi. 11th chapter, finally!  
**

* * *

I slipped through the door quietly, hoping to make it upstairs without attracting an angry Alice.

"Finally. I was afraid you left after the screech of tires we all heard."

I jumped again, just as I did when Jacob startled me.

"Oh. Good to see your not mad, Alice." I whirled around, and the person who was talking startled me yet again. Before I could fall again though, Edward caught me.

"Edward!"

"When Alice, and, well, everyone else told me you were insanely clumsy, I thought they were exaggerating a little bit."

"Now you know...Nice talking to you, can I go upstairs now?"

"No, Bella. I'm sorry, but we need to talk about that kiss." I feigned stupidity. It usually worked, and at an alarming rate too.

"Haha, what kiss?"

"So it wasn't much of a kiss, maybe an accident. Call it what you may, but we still need to talk about it." I saw there was no escaping the subject. Dang it.

"Fine," I sighed.

"I have the strangest feeling that our friends are trying to set us up together."

"What do you mean?" My traitorous heart started beating faster, pumping blood throughout my body at a nervously quick pace.

"You know Rosalie and Emmett pushed us together, and those comments they made at the beach today-"

"Technically yesterday." He scowled at me.

"Sorry. Jake and I were sitting together, waiting for the party to end."

"I wish I could have joined you." _So do I_.

"But you were saying?"

"_Anyway_, I think we should pretend to go out, for a week, starting _tomorrow_," Edward sneered.

"Geez. No need to be so annoyed over a minor correction. God."

"That's all fine and dandy, but I want to know if you agree to the plan."

"What plan?"

"Hmm, I don't know if you noticed, but earlier today, around, oh say, 94 seconds ago, I told you we should pretend to go out, so that Alice-or anyone else for that matter-ends up killing us with their hare-brained ideas."

"Oh. _That _plan." If it was even possible, my heart beat even faster as my breath hitched. And this was just because he wanted to _pretend_ we were going out. Who could know what would happened if he kissed me?

"So, yes or no?" I chose my words carefully before replying.

"Since I don't want to be accidentally killed by Alice in a horrific attempt to get us together...sure." For an ephemeral moment, I had thought I saw a flash of triumph and happiness in Edward's eyes. I wonder what that meant...

"This is going to be one heck of an interesting week."

"I swear, it's like you can read my mind. Freak." I pushed him against the banister.

"Hey, you don't want to murder the love of your life!"

"Why do I get the feeling that pretending to go out with you is the same as being your friend?"

"Haven't the foggiest." We both departed to our respective areas of sleeping.

* * *

"Bella!" Alice really has got to work on her system of waking up people. Last time I checked, hitting someone over the head with a pillow filled with what felt like steel balls couldn't achieve anything but feelings of animosity.

"What do you want Alice?"

"Come on, time to wake up!"

"What time is it?"

"9:05!"

"Alice, do you know what day it is?"

"Sunday, February 17th. On this day in history, Baltimore was the first city lit by gas, in 1817." I stared at her, fully aware that my jaw had dropped several inches.

"What? Sometimes, it helps to know this."

"Never mind that. The point of my asking you what day it is was to alert you of the little-known fact that **NORMAL PEOPLE ARE STILL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW!**"

"But we need to talk!"

"Just _what_ is so important you have to put yourself at risk for murder that you need to talk to me about?"

"You and Edward." My heart stopped beating.

"What about your brother and I?" I was disinclined to hear her response.

"Well, last night at the party, you did kiss, so-"

"We did **not** kiss. Emmett and Rosalie, who I am now on a quest to murder, forced us together."

"Right."

"Don't sound so skeptical, hell, you saw it!"

"How do I know you didn't bribe Rosalie and Emmett to push you together so you could kiss without the repercussions of being tracked down and subsequently tortured by half the population of the girls at school?" Again with the jaw-dropping. This weekend is one _hell_ of a surprise.

"No person or group of persons would be so devious as to plan that out-except maybe you. You're insane that way." To my surprise, she ignored me calling her crazy. As long as she doesn't try to slit my throat, I'm ohkay with that...

"I'll have to take your word for it for now..."

"As all should. Geez. Since when am I supposed to be this conniving, dissimulating person?"

"Rosalie's rubbing off you, I think."

"You can think? Shocker."

"I now understand why people sleep in on Sundays."

"Good, can I go back to bed now?"

"Why the heck not?" She left the room to go cause death or destruction somewhere else. I shoved my head under a pillow, hoping not to be awoken for the rest of the day.

* * *

"Bella. It's six. At night. I think it _may_ just be time for you to wake up."

"What? Where am I? Did you kidnap me? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Who are you! My dad's a cop! He will-" I met the topaz eyes and rather broad shoulders of Emmett.

"Hmm, to sum that whole thing up, you are at the Cullen house, I think Alice kidnapped you, I am Emmett Cullen, and what the **hell** did Jacob Black slip in _your_ beer?"

"How did you know about me and Jacob?!" I was so shocked, I couldn't even form grammatically correct sentences. But I digress.

"Oh, the party started getting stale after Edward locked himself in his room, so Rosie and I snuck outside, where we saw you and Jacob Black hitting it off quite nicely."

"Stalker."

"Better me than Jessica Stanley. She would've spread the rumor that you went home with him and did the deed." I considered smacking him.

"You've a point, I do admit."

"Of course I do! I'm Emmett Cullen." I laughed out loud.

"Hey Emmett, I have a secret to tell you."

"Hey Bella, what is it?"

"You're my favorite Cullen!"

"As flattered as I am, I doubt that Alice will like that."

"Oh, she can be Jasper's favorite Cullen."

"Well, there is that, but something else also. Can _I_ tell _you_ a secret?"

"Sure, but I can't guarantee I'll believe you."

"That might make things better...anyway, I happen to know Alice is playing extreme matchmaker. Mike Newton falling on you? That was supposed to be Eddie. Us going to La Push? A plan to make Edward jealous. That kiss? That was originally a plan to force you two to dance together and 'fall in love as you gaze into each other's eyes.' Rosalie, of course, got impatient, hoping you two would just start making out and then going out."

"Emmett, can you call Carlisle, please? I think I'm undergoing cardiac arrest."

"Oh, don't take the news too bad. If you die, who will replace my favorite plaything?" I scowled at him.

"Oh, fine. You have two options though, Bella. I heard your plan to pretend to go out with each other. You may as well go with that."

"What's my other option?" Emmett turned away from me, choosing instead too look through the window, at

"Edward likes putting his acting skills on even when he's away from the stage."

"What do you mean?"

"He acts as if he doesn't like you, but I know for a fact, though no one else does anymore, that he does. When he looks at you -every time- he has this intense look of deep contemplation on him, like he's wondering how anyone could be so perfect. He has to touch you almost constantly, subtly or not. If anyone calls him on his phone, he'll talk for a minimum of five minutes, but when _you _call him, he won't shut up for hours. He continuously mentions you if the conversation relates only an infinitesimal amount. He acts stupider than usual just to make you laugh. I could go on and on, but I believe you understand my point. I am pretty damn sure if you asked him out, for real, he would say yes. But, of course, you don't have to do that." He left the room, leaving behind a speech which sounded highly familiar.

Emmett's mini-monologue left me thinking. I knew a fair amount of the male population of Forks High School liked me- I am not being conceited; they all had tried at some point to ask me out, the most persistent being Mike and Tyler. The only one who didn't seem to like me in that sense seemed to be Edward. He had always been nothing more than a close friend; someone to tell my secrets without worrying they would turn around and reveal them to whoever asked, someone to joke around with, someone who i could always count on. I stood up from the bed, assuming Emmett's old position.

Had all that changed? Over the course of a simple weekend, all this seemed to have changed. Feelings I hadn't had for about two years had come back with a vengeance. This time, it seemed Edward was affected too. Should I believe the words of Emmett and Jasper? Memories of yesterday, a time when my troubles seemed to be so far away, a time which seemed to take place a longer time than it really did, flooded me. Edward and I blushing when we appeared in close proximity to each other, Edward, becoming spiteful to Jacob, Edward, frightened by the prospect of a real M. A. N. Those could all indicate that he liked me.

Then again, could they? Edward could have blushed because we were all pressed up against each other in the car. Edward and Jacob could just not have liked each other. Edward may have merely realized M. A. N. was not as great as he had thought. That could simply be circumstantial evidence. How could I be sure Edward liked me when I wasn't sure myself?

Did I like Edward because I truly had feelings for him? Did I like Edward because he was the only guy who hadn't liked me when I first moved to the sleepy town of Forks? Did I like Edward because he liked me? My mind is having the hardest time sorting this out. My heart says I like Edward, my mind agrees. The issue at hand, however, was whether or not I liked him for the right reasons? My emotions are drowning me. If I continue ruminating on the subject, I was surely go mad. I went downstairs, where the first eyes to meet my own where Emmett's. They had an expression of questioning, _do you like him or not?_ I gave a nearly imperceptible shrug of my shoulders, choosing then that now was not the moment to dwell on such heavy subjects. After all, tomorrow was supposed to be the first day of my pseudo-relationship with Edward. Who could predict how that could turn out?

* * *

**Hello People! This is the latest chappie! Beta's gone on vacation in France, damn her, so bear with my constnt mistakes.**

**Love,**

**abroadwayluver.**


	13. 11: Emmett

**Hello guys. I have to say, theres this part when Emmett and Edward are talking. Idky, but I just think you should listen to Snow Patrols "Chasing Cars" during that bit. **

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**Sunday, Feb 17th, 7:24. Helping Bella and Edward.**

"So, Bella, will you go out with me?" I couldn't believe I was witness to this train wreck.

"I-I don't know what to say! Ohkay, I'll go out with you." Finally, I could start critiquing them.

"Nice job you guys, that did _not_ look like you totally ripped that off from a movie." My sentence was laced with sarcasm. I blame Rosalie for doing that; she seems to be rubbing off on everyone, these days.

"Oh thanks, Emmett, for your wonderful critique of our acting skills to help us improve our performance." She influences even those who are annoyed the most by her.

"Oh, stop being an asshole!" I admit, I was rather shocked by Bella's outburst. She never called Eddie anything _that_ bad in such a serious manner. I noted her eyes were tinged with the faintest shade of red.

"Yes, well, I wouldn't be such an _asshole_," Edward sneered, and I swear the room went 15 degrees colder, "if _Emmett_ would just help us out."

"Look, you idiot, _Edward_! Goddamn it, I've had enough of your complaining and overall condescending attitude! I don't know if you're mad that Bella is both the only girl who may actually **not** like you and the only girl you actually like, but hell, I don't give a damn! I'm leaving!" The door's bang against the door frame added with the look on his face was weak satisfaction for the horrible thing I just did. I can't believe I had done that to my little brother. I seriously need to talk to my angel.

"Rosalie!"

"What, Grumpy Gus?" The grimace on my face shocked her out of her sarcastic mood.

"Hey, Emm, what happened?" After lowering my head on her lap, I relayed to her what had been going on since last night.

"Whoa. Maybe I should tell Alice to lay off for a bit..."

"No!" Rosalie looked confounded at my cry.

"Emmett, if what we're doing is causing all this tension between everyone, then we really should stop."

"Rosalie." I got up from my original position to look at Rosalie. "Maybe if you speed up the process, they would get the whole damn point and ask each other out already."

"You've a point...but let's ask **Alice and Jasper**!" She yelled out the last bit, in the hopes they would hear us.

"What do you want?" Alice and Jasper looked very disheveled, Alice's normally spiky hair even spikier, the top three buttons of Jasper's shirt opened, his hair also distinctively messy. I winced at the sight.

"Sorry to interrupt your amorously perturbing activities, but Emmett has something tell you."

"Wait, what," I spluttered.

"Dear, you told me, I think you can tell them."

"But...Alice is insane! Who knows what she'll do if I voice my viewpoint?"

"Ohkay, why is everyone so focused on my mental health stat?."

"Because the _last_ time you got mad, I nearly died from it."

"So have others. Suck it up, loser."

"...Moving on, what is it that you have to tell us, Emmett? Alice and I were having quite a bit of a nice time before you called us..." The couple suddenly had twin grins, suggesting things I preferred _not_ to be suggested.

"Right-o. Like I told Rose..." and I explained my little outburst.

"And like I told Emmett, I said I thought it would be better for everyone if we just stopped with the plans-"

"But I didn't agree Alice! I thought we should speed it up! So don't cause me bodily harm!"

"Actually, Rosalie and you both have interesting points. If we stop at this point, Bells and Eddie may just give up on each other, as they are fiercely stubborn and refuse to acknowledge the other's feelings. On the other hand, if we try to speed up the process at this point, they will end up hating each other, as that's how they're acting towards each other. Our best course of action is to combine the two."

"You mean do exactly what we've been doing."

"Oh, Rose, your sardonicism is back! I had begun to think that you had lost it forever!"

"Jazz, you can think? That's a pretty big surprise, I thought I was the smarter and prettier twin!"

"Wrong, as usual. It's more likely that we got equal shares of both qualities."

"Really? Is that so-"

Alice and I exchanged a quick look before throwing small balls at the two.

"Now that Emmett and I have your attention," Alice started.

"Can we get back to the issue at hand," I finished. Rosie and Jazz took turns glaring at us.

"Fine," they said together. We sat ourselves in a circle. Alice and I assumed the positions of leaders.

"So this is what I had in mind: We have to slow down with our plans, and we have to make them much more subtle."

"Subtle how so," Rosalie asked.

"You know how all our plans have turned out. I believe that it is because we are doing things on much too high a scale."

"So what you mean, Ali," I asked, "is that we have to do simple things that can happen by pure chance?"

"Yes, but the problem is, I haven't the foggiest how to do that."

"Maybe..."

"What, Rose?"

"Maybe if we let them, you know, do their silly little act for us, but not make a big deal out of it afterwards, they'll fall in love naturally like the rest of us did." I instinctively wrapped an arm around my darling angel as Alice and Jasper snuggled together.

"That may be a good idea, but what will plan number four be?"

"Always the planner, aren't you, Alice?"

"As is my nature...any ideas?"

"How about: let's wait and see what happens tomorrow before we make anymore plans," I suggested.

"Yeah," and I detected a lazy quality to Jasper's voice as he said this, "don't want to...strain ourselves," he yawned.

"The only person who's brains will be strained is yours, Jazz."

"I would respond with a witty remark, but I am unbelievably tired."

"We all are," I said before Rosalie and Jasper could get into another argument over their intellect. After what seemed to be five minutes, the enervating weekend caught up with us. We fell asleep in our current positions.

* * *

**Monday, Feb. 18th 6:00 A.M. Getting ready for school.**

"Ugh. I _hate_ Mondays!"

"Don't we all, Emmett?"

"Oh, hey, Eddie, I wanted to talk to you, actually." I walked towards the door, arching my eyebrow at him while I waited for his decision.

"Let's get talking then." We walked the perimeter of our house as we talked. The sun was slowly breaking through the darkness, it's golden glow tinting everything it touched.

"Eddie, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday, but frankly, you seem to have a bit of a short fuse lately; what's up with that?"

"You're my big brother Emmett; you're supposed to know why I'm so screwed up!"

"I may be your big brother, but I'm not a mind reader; with that being said, what's up?"

"You summed it up for me last night, actually." A rosiness to rival Bella's appeared on my visage. "Don't look like that, Emm. You were right in saying that last night. I was being a jerk, and I knew it."

"Still, I was well over the line when I said that."

"No you weren't. Everyone needs to be humbled, even me. But I digress. The reason behind my horrific attitude is due to my predicament with Bella." His sigh was a most peculiar mixture of awe, sadness, and frustration. He resumed his speech.

"Everything you said last night was entirely true. I am more than a bit frustrated at the fact that she is one of the few girls not falling over themselves in some transparent ploy to impress me. Instead, she knocks me down a peg or two when I need it. When we talk, it's never 'Oh, your _so_ cute.' It's always something like 'Mrs. Golden's gone off her rocker', or, 'Stop being so conceited,' or 'How can someone so academically smart be so idiotic when it comes to other things'. It's not like I enjoy her criticisms, but it's refreshing to know that she wants to be my friend, not my girlfriend. But..."

A pregnant pause.

"But, yet, all at the same time, I find myself falling for her. It's entirely messed up. I'm in love with my best friend."

A bitter laugh.

"Everything about Bella is incontrovertibly without a flaw. Her intelligence rivals that of mine - or anyone else for that matter. As much as I despise practicing the sheep like behavior of the male population at school, I do believe she has to be the prettiest girl that I've met so far. I-"

"It's-"

"Well-"

"I really can't sum up my feelings for her. At times, I see her as a close friend, like you, or Jasper, Alice, even Rosalie. But, I guess I've always wondered ...

_How would it be like to be with Bella?_ I'm so very beneath her; I'm a narcissistic, selfish, stubborn, arrogant little boy. She's a woman, with a heart purer than the clear water of an untouched lagoon. She only ever thinks of other people." Edward looked so desolate, so lost. I had to speak up.

"Edward, nothing which you said about yourself is true. You two deserve each other; you are her other half, and she is yours." He smiled, but it had a sad note to it, and it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Emmett, even if that was true, it's too late. I...I have to give up before I'm completely heartbroken." Before I could stop him, he ran into the open garage before us, got in his car, and sped away.

* * *

**Monday, 7:35. Driving to school.**

"What are we supposed to do now? This wasn't supposed to happen! Bella and Eddie were supposed to fall in love." Alice's face was distorted with despair, frustration.

"Eddie and Bella have fallen in love. They've merely given up on each other," Rosalie whispered, voice thick with bitterness.

"I've talked to both of them, ohkay? So has Jasper. We- we just have to try harder!"

"Emmett, they're too far gone."

"Don't say that! We have to try! We can't let them quit on each other!"

"He's right. Actually, I wasn't planning on going this far-"

"Alice, what do you mean?" With Jasper's question, the air in the Jeep was suddenly charged with excitement.

"There was a plan I was saving only in case of an emergency. I was thinking of convincing Mr. Schnapztailer that we absolutely needed to have a school dance, to let the students blow off some steam." I wilted when I heard this; how could this plan work? Rosalie gave voice to my concerns.

"Brilliant plan, except for the part when you convince our darling principal that we absolutely need to have a school dance to let the students blow off some steam."

"Do you come in any other setting than sarcastic, Rose?"

"Shut up Jazz, love. Now isn't really the time. Now, I can guarantee that this plan will work, due to one key element: Rosalie Lillian Hale!"

"Oh, I can't believe your using my girlfriend as a pawn in your twisted plans. If it works, however, I will never underestimate you again."

"Alice, if it weren't for the fact that I care for Edward very much - don't give me that look, I do, even if he does irritate me so - I may consider murdering you."

"Alice, I love you even more now." Jazz hugged his pixie, grinning when Rosie looked daggers at him.

"So, Alice, how do you plan on carrying this all out? I'm rather curious." I wanted to make sure this plan didn't involve murder, blackmail, anything **ILLEGAL**.

"Right-o. Rosalie and I will go to Mr. Schnapztailer's office as soon as we arrive at school. I go all 'we need to have a school dance because everyone is overly nervous due to the pressure of high school.' Then, when he rejects our cause, Rosalie will continue on with my pre-written argument," here she rummaged through her bag, pulling out a folded piece of paper, "all while wearing a lovely striped blue blouse," again, she paused to reveal said blouse, "unbuttoned to show _just_ enough cleavage to convince him that 'Hey, this _is _a good idea!' As to how this relates to Bella and Edward? The dance will be this Friday. They should still be pretending to go out, so, of course, they will be forced to dance."

"Two things, Alice. First, why do you have all this stuff," Rosalie inquired

"It's good to be prepared."

"Right. Second, how can we guarantee that Edward and Bells will go to the dance? How can we even be sure they'll still be 'going out'?"

"To answer your last question, we will doubt their relationship on Thursday, to ensure that they will make more of an effort to prove they are together on Friday. To guarantee they'll go to the dance, I'll threaten Edward's life and manhood. Bella will be guilted into going by my tears." Alice explained all this in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I am stunned. This may be our first plan to work!"

"We'll see soon; We're already here." We emptied the car, Jasper and I looking for Edward, Rosalie and Alice heading off to work their magic on our principal. For the sake of our two friends, I hope their plan worked.

* * *

**Ah! New chapter! I cried during the Edward-and-Emmett scene! I feel like a loser for that, but it's true. See you soon (but not tomorrow, sorry),**

**abroadwayluver**


	14. 12: Alice

**Monday, Feb 18th still, 7:40. Five minutes before Home Room.**

* * *

"Ms. Cullen! Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"Mr. Schnappytailer, I really should be, but there is a serious issue I need to discuss with you." Rose was waiting in the doorway for my cue.

"What is that so called 'important issue' you need to skip part of class to confer with me? Don't call me 'Schnappytailer', by the way. It's rude." He did not actually use air quotes, did he? How depressing is it when an adult attempts to connect with adolescents by the use of outdated teenage practices? _Focus, Alice. You're here for Bedward, not to note the amount of cool points your principal just lost._

"Mr. Schnapztailer, I've surveyed two hundred members of our high school, faculty and students alike, asking if they felt overworked, overstressed, or a combination of the two. Ninety-three percent of the surveyed population said that they, indeed, do feel one of the three options I mentioned earlier. We simply cannot function as a educational establishment if we are overstressed or overworked!"

My speech was partially true. I did ask the faculty and the student's those questions ... all ten of them. My speech seemed to be influencing Mr. Schnappy-poo, however. Creases of concern and deep thought showed themselves on his wide forehead.

"Mmm ... what do you suggest to alleviate this epidemic?" It was time to test the waters.

"If we had a dance of sorts, perhaps-"

"**No! No no NO**!" Sweet Jesus, someone wasn't open minded.

"What are your objections to having a dance?"

"I do not want teenagers gyrating their hips, getting drunk, fighting ... To condense a long list, I do not want any trouble at the wonderful Forks High School."

"I see your point. Perchance Rosalie Hale could display the positive aspects of a school dance?" I was pushing it with words more suitable to the 18th century or a business meeting. Hey, we have to convince him somehow, tough, don't we

In walked Rosalie, wearing the striped-blue blouse along with denim bermuda shorts, brown platform wedges, and a lacy tank top which exposed enough cleavage to be sexy, but not slutty. I am not yet sure of how that works out, but it does. Human beings are such strange creatures, aren't we? Anyway, Mr. S's eyes widened when he caught a sight of the lovely Rose. She really did have to be the most beautiful woman on Earth. Shame her personality was not a direct mirror of this. The bell had rung when she walked in, but Mr. S seemed too stunned to kick us out of his office.

"Hi, Mr. S. You've focused on the negative, now let's play with the positive! See, sir, if we had a school dance, the students would be able to blow some steam from the pressures of society. As the dance would be held at the school gymnasium, chaperones would ensure the lack of illicit activities occurring. A school dance is also a **fantastic **fundraiser! With the money earned from such an event, you could buy new bats for the baseball team, or whatever you feel is right for the school!"

Rosalie's smile sagged at the corners; such fake joy caused her pain. We sat patiently, awaiting an answer. The school should really replace these chairs; the stuffing is nonexistent. The wooden frame of the chair is cutting into my thighs. Mr. S still looks dazzled. Maybe I should speak up ...

"Uhm, sir? It's 8:15, 25 minutes since the bell rang. Do you have an answer for us?" He woke up from his stupor abruptly.

"Right. Yes, well, uhm, yeah, let's have a school dance...It should be illegal for a teenage girl to look so lovely," he muttered. Strangely, we were afflicted with a horrific case of being hard of hearing. He handed us a pass to first period, where Emmett and Jasper would be waiting for the news.

* * *

"So, what's the deal?" First period language arts was in disarray, as is the custom whenever we had a sub. Today, it was Mr. McKinley, a tall Jamaican man who was too absorbed with the inspection of his nail beds to care about the anarchy we were thrust in. This allowed us to gather together to hold a discussion on the status of Bedward.

"Schnapztailer agreed to the dance. I am not sure if that's a reliable yes, but I recorded it so that we have proof it's a yes."

"Someone remind me why I'm dating her?"

"I think that day when you asked her out at the beach, you were a bit smashed from all the strawberry daquiris you kept ordering. Who knew those things could be so damn alcoholic?"

"I thought _you_ would, Rose. Don't you remember dancing on the bar, your shirt opened, tank top not hiding much? We were being followed by 3 different cars when we left. Edward had to go tell them that you were a transexual to get rid of them ... but not before he caught the whole thing on his phone and posted it on youtube. I think it's his most popular video."

"Wh-wha-**what**!? That smug bastard! Ack! Someone remind me why I'm helping him?!"

"Lots of reminding today, huh? Sweetheart, your helping him cause it's the right thing to do."

"So?! Since when have I cared about doing this so-called _right thing_?" Even now, her defensiveness was going down. The wonders of love, eih?

"Because if you give up now, we'll tell Edward and Bella that you were plotting against them." She sent me a scandalized glare. Odd combination, but it tends to happen.

"Why would he believe you? I could turn around and say you helped me."

"But you won't!"

"Why's that, Jasper?"

"Cause she's Alice. Forget that?" Having being successfully stumped (though I still don't see one reason to be scared of me), Rosie brought our attention back to Edward and Bella:

"So boys, how did the whole 'Eddie and Bells pretend to go out' plan go down?"

"Uh..."

"God, do I hate the combination of 'Uh' followed by a long pause and an exchanging of looks."

"See, the thing is, they _are_ pretending to go out-" Emmett started.

"-but I've seen dead turtles give better performances," Jasper interrupted with. I groaned.

"What happened? Did Edward look like he wanted to blow the heads off everyone around him while Bella was bawling her eyes out?"

"Actually, they acted perfectly, which was their flaw." My visage must have portrayed confusion, since Emmett felt it was his responsibility to elaborate:

"They acted so well that it looked really stale and like they ripped it off from a movie. Therefore, in their acting-wellness, they completely fucked up the thing."

"It was a train wreck, really. Bella was over-excited and Eddie was displaying his less-than-fantastic character traits," Jazz added.

"You mean he was arrogant to the point of annoying?"

"Understatement, but for the sake of him, yes."

"So we're having a stupid school dance where drunken teenagers will accost each other on the dance floor in honor of two **_dumbasses_** who can't even pretend to like each other."

"No need to put it so bluntly, Rose."

"But it's true! You and I wasted our time on a middle-aged high school principal who will most likely **stalk** me from now on, just to have our plan **fail** once again!"

"I swear, if your eyes bulge out any further, Emmett may need to find a new f- **Ahh**!" Emmett grabbed the chair I was sitting in, and tipped it over to prevent me from saying anything else. He glared at me, trying to tell me without telling me vocally to shut up before I found myself drowning in squid. I got the message, getting up and sitting myself back in the chair. Rosalie's deranged expression was wiped off, replaced by a suspicious arched eyebrow.

"Find a new what, exactly?"

"Girlfriend."

"Ohkay ..." Woo. Let me just wipe the sweat off my face. That was a close call. She looks less suspicious, but still confused.

"Moving on," I said with a nervous titter, "uhm, as Rosalie was saying, what are we going to do about these two luckless fools?"

"What we've been doing before: pressuring them to get together."

"Thanks Jazz, that really helps."

"Rosalie's infiltrated your mind too!"

"No, I think that's Eddie's fault."

"Along with everything else?"

"Yeap."

"**Moving on**," I repeated firmly, "what are we going to do about them?"

"As _I_ was saying, we should annoy them about their relations ... we reiterate our concerns about the lack of ... affection we see between the two, they pull off some outrageous scheme to prove their affection, and then we either let nature take it's course or laugh about Eddie and Bells behind their backs." The bell rang with the word 'Eddie'.

"I suppose we'll have to go with that idea for now ... see ya later."

* * *

"Oh God. I could die right now."

"Come on, Bella, let your feelings out, don't be shy. Alice and I are here to help."

"Since when do you help, Rose?"

"Since you and Edward are so damn blind..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Remember, let your feelings out." Oops. Forgot to tell you where we are. So here we are, in English with yet _another_ sub. Again, this sub couldn't give two shits about what we do. Rosalie and I are taking advantage of Edward's current disappearance to interrogate Bella at length.

"What if I don't want to let my feelings out?"

"Alice."

"Huh?"

"Nothing, I was just threatening Bella."

"Oh thanks," Bella and I chorused.

"Start letting out, Bella dear."

"Fine," she reproached. She doesn't seem too happy with us ...

"We're waiting," I sung.

"What do you want? You can't expect me to-to read your minds, seeing what you want me to talk about!" Snippy, isn't she?

"That would be cool, but I guess we can't. What we want to discuss with you is quite obvious, however."

"No it's not! You can never make up your mind! You could be desiring the chance to talk about my favorite nail polish color or my relationship with Edward!"

"Hit the nail on the head, didn't she, Alice?" Bella looked perplexed at Rose's words.

"You wanna talk about my favorite nail polish color? I guess it wold be pink ..."

"No, you **idiot**," Rosalie snarled, rolling her eyes.

"So what are you tal-oh. Oh. Oh _GOD_. Look, can't we talk about that some other time," she pleaded.

"Why's that? Trouble in paradise," I suggested casually. Rosalie caught up with me.

"I find that hard to believe that that could be happening. I mean, you two are just _so_ perfect for each other." She was a bit heavy on the 'so', yet still believable, as if she didn't know that Bella and Eddie hated each other right now.

"We are? But ... we're just friends."

"If that's true ... why are you going out with him then?"

"He asked me."

"You rejected every other guy who asked you."

"What is this, the Spanish freaking Inquisition? Fine, dammit, I said yes cause I think I may like him and I want to see how this works out!"

"So how _is_ it turning out?"

"It's just like being friends with him, except I'm now his girlfriend." Disappointment echoed through her words.

"He's probably testing the water, just-" I stopped when Edward returned to the room. God, we still have 45 minutes left in class. Hey, maybe next period, Golden will be sick ... Time to stop dreaming, Alice. Edward planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey, my little sharkey. Oh. Hi Rose, Alice." He wrapped his arms around Bella's shoulders, who turned iridescently red. She shot us a furtive see-what-I-mean look. Edward's affection towards her had a bit of an aftertaste to it. He seemed a bit frustrated, and like she was more of a sister than anything else. Emmett and Jasper _were_ right.

"Rosalie and I will leave you two alone," I announced, winking at them. Bella was turning a sickening yet captivating shade of purple-toned red.

"We are?" Rosalie was clearly wondering of my intentions.

"Yeah, we are." Shrugging, she stood up, and we walked out of the room, the substitute checking her horoscope. I led her towards the bathroom.

"Why are we here?"

"I need to make a phone call."

"You couldn't do that in the classroom? Miller wouldn't notice if the Incredible Hulk made a hole the size of the wall."

"No, but she would notice if Tom Sturridge walked through the door." We laughed at our stereotypically blonde sub.

"So, again, why can't you can't you call someone while we're with the sub?"

"It's not the sub I'm worried about; it's our star-crossed, lovestruck teenagers I'm hiding from." Her brow furrowed further.

"You really shouldn't do that, Rose. You'll get premature wrinkles, not that it'll affect your beauty, however..." I muttered the last part to myself. She didn't need to know of my petty jealousy.

"Ah, who cares about that? I'm still curious as to why I need to eavesdrop on your phone call." See? She doesn't even care about premature wrinkling! Ugh! Sometimes, it's quite frustrating to have Rosalie Hale as a constant factor in your life.

"It's not eavesdropping because it kinda concerns you. I'm calling Emmett and Jasper."

"Oh. Couldn't you say that earlier?"

"Not really. It goes against everything I believe in."

"Ohkay?... You may want to start dialing."

"Yeah yeah yeah, don't get your knickers in a twist. Don't forget, he has Golden now, so no guarantee as to if he will answer or not." Surprisingly, after the 3rd ring, he answered. I guess we have a sub in _that_ class too. What a good day!

"Whassup, Alice?"

"Hey Emmett ... is Jasper there? Oh, and Rosalie says hi."

"I do? Well then, hi." A chuckle escaped my ursine brother.

"Hey babe. Jasper's there."

"Hi, Alice."

"So, whydya call us?"

"Giving you an update on Bella and Edwardino."

"How many stupid nicknames can that boy have?"

"Quite a bit, there's Edwardo, Edwardino, Edwardia-"

"Thanks for the list, Rose. Don't you wanna hear about the news?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Ignore Jasper, he's being a loser."

"Shut up, Emmett."

"_Anyway_, as I was saying, so Bella says that she is going out with him cause she 'kinda likes him, and wants to see how it would work out.' Then she says that being with him is just like being his friend."

"What about brother dearest?"

"He waltzed in, kissed Bella on the cheek, and his arm around her. He did it all in the same manner he does it with Rose and I, though, so he still isn't _really_ acting romantically."

"Do we have to force him to play the piano in front of Bella?"

"Yes." Rosalie's voice, after her unusual silence, shocked me.

"See," she elaborated, "you know how Edward has written like, a shitload of compositions? If he played one for Bella (at our prompting, of course), Bella might be all 'wow, he really can do anything and is romantically/artistically inclined. Let's give him another chance.'"

"That's the first good idea that came out of your mouth," Jasper said after a moment's thought.

"Hey! Did you already forget about the Bella-falling-on-Edward plan?"

"Hey! Did you already forget about how that plan blew up in your face?"

"You're a real joy kill, Jazz, did you know that?"

"Children," I said with authority, "stop arguing. So we agree Rosalie's plan is good?"

"Yeah."

"Sure."

"Of course!"

"Rose, your opinion isn't needed. Alright, bye guys, see you at lunch."

"Later."

"Bye, darling."

A stall door opened. Oh crap. We forgot to check who was in the bathroom! Out walked Angela Webber, washing her hands in the sink.

"Hi, Angela," I nervously giggled. Dammit! Again with the nervous laughter!

"Hey Rosalie, Alice. So, I heard your conversation, and I just want to say that I didn't hear a thing, good luck with your plans, and you have 30 minutes to get back to class."

"Wow. Thanks, Angela." We walked out of the bathroom together, Angela going to math, Rosie and I harassing our lovebirds. The first we see when we walk into the room is that Bella is trying to strangle Edward, who looks quite calm because, let's face it, he must be used to it by now, and Bella's not very strong.

"Edward, why is your girlfriend throttling you to death?"

"Correction : _trying_ to throttle me to death."

"Shut up, Edward!"

"So, why is she?"

"Because he was being a flirt again ... in front of me!" Bella let go of Edward's throat for a moment.

"Sigh. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, when will you learn to let go of your flirtatious ways?"

"Sigh. Ali, Ali, Ali, when will you learn not to call me that? I wasn't flirting with anyone, by the way. I just noticed that Jessica Stanley had straightened her hair and told her what a nice look it was on her."

"First things first : Eddie is your nickname, and there is no changing that. Secondly, what was your exact wording when complimenting Jessica's not-so-nice looking hair?"

"'Hey Jessica, here's your pen. Wow. Your hair looks good today.'"

"Oh, Bella, that's not _too_ flirty ... actually, I think he kinda insulted her, by just calling it good today. That would imply her hair doesn't look good on other days."

"Only _you_ could twist my words like that, Rose."

"It's what I do, Eddie-poo. Now, Bella, how did you perceive that as flirty?" Right on cue, her face was red in color. She's like a giant tomato with legs and hair.

"...I don't want to go into it." Bella tried to hide behind her curtain of hair.

"Aww, my little snarky-salad-eating-sharkey, did you feel jealous?"

"What?! No!"

"It's ohkay, my dear. I know how hard it is to go out with someone as amazing as I!"

"Oh, shut up," and, to our surprise, she stood on tiptoe and planted a kiss on his lips. Bella then grabbed her bag, winked back, walking off to class, leaving Edward, Rosie, and myself in shock. Who knew Bella Swan could be so bold?

* * *

**Ahh! First time updating in like, a million years! Hey, who here's still reading this/new beginning? I may not update that until i finish this/start school. I just want to say hi, and I really miss my unofficial (until now) review team: paperblumen, bellaXXtheXXklutz, and the ninjafrommars! Come back you guys! Was last chapter really that bad?**

**Love,**

**abroadwayluver**


	15. 13: Jasper

How can a woman's hair be so blindingly silver? It's like ... liquid silver! But not in a good way. Noooo, in that creepy way that makes you wonder how old this lady really is. No forehead wrinkles and the like, but she's ancient. God. So silver!

"Jasper, what are you thinking about?"

"...I was wondering if a whitefish really is a fish."

"Of course it's a fish! It has the word 'fish' in it."

"Yeah, well, killer whale has the word 'whale' in it, but it's not _really_ a whale."

"What are you talking about?! It's a giant ... whale!"

"No, Emmett, it's a dolphin."

"It's way too big to be a dolphin."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"Gentlemen! What are you discussing," Golden screeched. Why does her voice have to be so damn high-pitched? Goodness.

"Is a whitefish really a fish?" The entire class turned to look at Emmett, who was suitably seated in the very middle of the classroom, along with myself. Thank God no one knew I asked that, however, in my defense, I wasn't actually wondering about that.

"Of _course_ it's a fish," Mike Newton called out, echoing Emmett's previous words.

"It has the word _fish _in it. doesn't it," Jessica asked rhetorically. Does everyone in our class really think like Emmett? That's quite a disturbing trend.

"So? Killer whale has the word 'whale' in it, but it's a dolphin."

"No, it's a whale."

"Dolphin."

"Whale."

"Ohkay! If you all are so darned interested in the subject of killer whales and whitefish, why don't you write a five-hundred word essay on whether these animals are what their names suggest!" Groans and sighs met her words.

'Nice going, Cullen!"

"Detention for you, Ms. Mallory!" Emmett and I turned in our seats to catch a glimpse of Lauren's narrowed eyes looking daggers at Emmett.

"Pshaw, what's she going to do to me? I'm sure she wouldn't want to deal with Rosalie."

"Remember class, five hundred word essay on misleading names," Golden (who's hair is silver, not gold) reminded us as we stood to get the heck outta there. Why'd she come back? Couldn't she be, I don't know, hit by a bus or something on her way back from her doctor's appointment? Shame. On the bright side, we only had to deal with her for the last ten minutes of class. Rosalie has to deal with her for an hour. Tee. Hee.

...This is where I question my sexuality for the millionth time. What straight man says 'tee hee'? God. _Calm down Jasper. You're going out with Alice, remember?_ Oh yeah. Gotta remember that. Woo. Get your head in the game. Yeah. Breathe. Yeah. Cause, you know, I'm pretty sure it sucks to be dead. So don't die. Live. Life is fun.

"Jasper, why are you talking to yourself? Again?" A kindly concerned-for-my-sanity look was painted on Emmett's face. He patted my shoulder, and I could see a few girls giggling behind their hands while looking at us. Even other people think I'm gay! Ack! Well, being gay wouldn't be too bad. I think. Uhm, what do gay people do?

"Eh...I wasn't talking to myself. I was ... mumbling! Yeap, mumbling. That's right." Emmett's face transitioned from that concerned look to the rare but unique 'My best friend is an idiot' look.

"Hey, Emmett?"

"Mmm?"

"What do gay people do?"

"Erm, I dunno. Let's ask Eric Yorkie."

"Why him?"

"It's the twelfth grade and he still hasn't gotten a girlfriend. Even Edward has!"

"But, Bella isn't _really _his girlfriend."

"Don't say that Jasper! They will by the end of this week, I **guarantee** it! By the way, did you already forget about Kat?"

"Oh yeah! What happened to her, anyway?"

"She moved to ... Alaska I think, living with her cousin Tanya or whatever."

"Right-o." We passed Edward and Bella on our way to Spanish III. I must admit, they look much more boyfriend and girlfriend-ish now, with her head resting on his shoulder. I nudged Emmett to show him the sight.

"Oh thank God. They didn't completely fuck this up. Now, all we have to do is wait until the dance ..." Emmett remarked as we walked into Mrs. Salamanca's classroom.

* * *

"Dios, porque eres tal idiota?"

"No se. Eres uno tambien."

"Ah, del infierno, no!"

"Why did you guys ever decide to take Spanish?"

"Porque sonaba como una buena idea en ese entonces - I mean, because it sounded like a good idea at the time. You told us to take the class anyway, Rosie."

"That was before I knew how annoying that could get."

"Your words cut me, you know. Oh yeah, before we get to lunch, we caught sight of the infamous creature of the Drama department!"

"I don't need to know about what Mr. Slowick is doing."

"No, not Slowick, Alice. Bedward," I blurted out excitedly. Alice and Rosalie froze in their tracks.

"Alright, you caught our attention. What's up?"

"Look behind you!" Emmett pointed at the notorious couplet. Bella was blushing and giggling while Edward ... made a fool of himself.

"So? What's new?"

"They're ... doing stuff!"

"Emmett, what are you talking about? Bella and Edward are acting like they always do."

"No, they're acting like how you and Jasper act!"

"Hey!"

"Don't you mean how you and Rosalie act," I retorted.

"Touchè," Rosalie said.

"You have to admit, however, that I am right. Bella has that absurd grin on her face, while she gazes up at Edward. You can't say you're not guilty of that, Alice. Then look at Edward. He seems to be making himself into a bigger idiot than he normally does, like he's trying to ... _impress her_." Everyone one of us focused in on Edward and Bella, tilting our heads to the side as we did.

"Uh...why are you guys looking at us that way?"

"Oh, we wanted to see how many weird looks we can attract by doing this. I've only counted three so far," I quipped.

"That's because we're with you, Jasper. People are used to you being a freak."

"Thanks, Rose. You're such a great sister."

"That's ... nice. I think."

"You sound uncertain, Bella. Maybe you should join us."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Bella and I will just be going off to lunch, like you should be doing too." Edward wrapped an arm around Bella now, looking quite pleased. Maybe more pleased than a guy who's supposed to be pretending to be going out with his best friend should be. I wonder.

"Aw, Eddiepuss, why do you always have to ruin our fun?" Edward blanched even whiter than he already was. Ha! Guess he doesn't like the use of one of Alice's many nicknames for him.

"Eddiepuss? Am I missing something here," Bella asked. I seized the opportunity to talk, hopefully about her relationship with Edward.

"Yes, but I'll be glad to explain it to you. Leave your boyfriend alone for once and let me tell you the tale of how Eddiepuss came to be..." Bella experienced the strange phenomenon of the smiggle fit, where one smirks and giggles at the same time.

"Kay, Jazz." We walked away from the arguing Alice and Edward.

"So, Bella, dearie. I was wondering...how are things between you and Edward at the current moment?"

"I don't know...We've only been going out for a day. How should things be?"

"I figured all the romantic tension you two have had between each other would beget you and Eddiepuss to act as if you have been together as long as Alice and I." I couldn't help breaking into a smile as I said 'Alice and I'. Crazy as my little pixie is, and as long as we've been together, it still feels like we've only just started going out. I chanced a look at Bella, who frowned in thought.

"Hey, Bella, still there?"

"What romantic tension? This whole thing has only been going on since, what, Saturday maybe? We've only started going out today. Wouldn't people think it odd if we started acting lovestruck out of nowhere?"

"Only if everyone in this town is as blind as you," I muttered under my breath. I replied to her quickly, however.

"I reckon you're right...Hey, looks like everyone's coming back now!"

"Do I have reason to believe you are cheating on Edward and myself with Jasper?" Huh? Ohkay, is it just me or did that question not make sense? Whatever.

"Yes, you do. I love Jasper and all his amazing blonde hair. Look at that thing! It's so sexy!" Bella ruffled my hair, leaving it sticking up in every which way.

"Why, Alice, what are we ever to do?"

"We could always find _new _partners."

"Not a chance," I growled. I put both hands on Alice's thin waist and placed her on my lap.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, but you can't work possessiveness like Emmett and I can."

"And why is that?"

"Because we are twice as sexier as you and Alice - no offense."

"Please. Since when is Emmett sexy," I snorted.

"Oh that's disturbing. Did you just admit you found your sister to be hot?"

"Who wouldn't?"

"Oh, shut up you two," I snapped, glaring at Rosalie and Edward. "I do _not _find Rosalie hot. Stop making me seem like some incestuous freak."

"Hey! Wait a second! I can be sexy!"

"A bit slow today, aren't you Emmett?"

"Shut up, Jasper. I'll have you know Rosalie and I exude sex. We exude so much sex it is quite surprising that-"

"Please don't continue that sentence," Alice pleaded, clapping a hand over Emmett's mouth. He licked her hand, causing her to shriek with revulsion.

"You're so immature, Emmett!"

"I can be serious if I want to!"

"Please don't. Serious Emmett scares people."

"If it weren't for the fact that it would really suck if you died, Bella, you find yourself on top of a flame-devoured car going 500 miles per hour."

"That's nothing!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. Forget who your sister is? Now that's threatening."

"Can we stop making jokes at my expense?"

"They're not jokes."

Silence. Then a glob of mashed potatoes-so fast it should have left skid marks in mid-air-hit Bella in the eye. A loud smack accompanied the collision. Then a cup of peas, as if on their own accord, pelted themselves at Alice and I.

"Alice, you should have known that was going to happen when your potatoes hit _my _Bella."

"I bet you didn't expect **that**," Alice drawled as Edward was smacked in the face by a drumstick. Ooo, gravy covered! I really want to lick it off his face-what's with all the homosexual thoughts today?! I think I've been hanging around Emmett too much today. He always find a way to twist your words and give them dual meanings. Nope, that sentence still sounds pretty fruity in my head.

Another cup, this time filled with jell-o, missed Alice, colliding with Lauren Mallory's pug-like face.

"Oh _**God**_, not this again," I groaned. I wasn't taking any chances this time around. Instead, I did what every brave man and/or woman would have done in my situation.

I hid under the table.

* * *

New chapter...wh-hooo! Much shorter than last chapter, but it is 3:45 in the morning and I do _not _want to deal with this headache any longer. Special thanks to : bellaXXtheXXklutz for being the 50th reviewer (great accomplishment) and for herself, again, and theninjafrommars for coming back from the metaphorical dead. Still waiting for paperblumien, cullens12, and gandforev899 to come back from the metaphorical dead. Come on peoples. Also, please check out some of my other stories (excluding HP ones and 'Tomatoes'). I am so loserish, I need extra support. Deal with it :-P. To wrap this up :

See you next time (can't wait for breaking dawn)!

Love,

abroadwayluver


	16. 14: Rosalie

Alice or Bella. I wonder which one will wake up bald tomorrow. Alice or Bella. Alice didn't _have_ to sling potatoes at Bella, starting this whole thing, but then again, Bella _did_ touch on Alice's clear anger management problems. Of course, I may be going about this situation the wrong way. This could all be the administration's fault for not stopping this. Weren't they supposed to be supervising us in case a fight or altercation of some sort broke out? Whatever. Point is, someone is going to wake up bald tomorrow.

Maybe I have anger problems too, however. Isn't making threats to people in my head kinda crazy? Oh, hold on, another cup of peas nearly hit me in the arm.

"Rose, how are we going to escape?"

"I don't know.Either way, we end up covered in peas, carrots, potatoes, broccoli, chocolate pudding, jelly, and gravy."

"Which is ironic, really. Isn't a table supposed to protect us from all this crap?"

"I think people are trying to make sure no one is left unscathed."

"This is stupid. Does no one remember that we had another food fight like, what, a week ago? God, my hair cannot take any more gravy."

"You're rather feminine, did you know?"

"**I am not gay**!"

"Didn't say you were. But if you want to talk about your sexuality, I'll be here for the next hour or so. Goddamn faculty peoples."

"I haven't a need to talk to you. You're mean to me."

"If Emmett can be serious, I'm fairly sure I can be nice."

"Oh please. Emmett's only serious because Edward and Bella are so fucked up. As long as they stay ... stable, Emmett will stay immature."

"Mhmm...whatever. If Emmett can be serious, I can be nice for an undetermined amount of time."

"Right."

"About the whole 'I am not gay!' thing ... what's up with that?"

"I don't want to go into it."

"Come on, Jaspie-poo. Yeah you do!"

"Are you intentionally trying out a new method of annoyance which entails being overtly happy?"

"So I take it you're _not _going to tell me about your little outburst?"

"Mhmm."

"Oh well. Doesn't change the fact that we already make jokes about your sexuality behind your back."

"What?!"

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist. As I've said before, you're rather feminine. You are exceptionally vain-"

"Please, you must be joshing me. I'm not nearly as vain as you!"

"As much as you flatter me, you actually are rather vain, nearly as much as myself."

"That doesn't mean I swing for the other team."

"True. It could be a side effect from living with me. Or our fantastic genes going to your head. Or Alice's adoring looks going to your head. Take your pick."

"I'll blame it on you, Rose."

"Jesus Christ, when do you think this food fight will end?"

"When Carlisle and Esme get a divorce." We both shared a quick laugh.

"Why _do _we call them 'Carlisle and Esme' instead of 'Mom and Dad'? Legally, they are our parents..."

"When we first came to live with them, we called them Carlisle and Esme. We've just fallen into the habit. Still doesn't mean we don't love them as our own parents."

"Damn better than our own mom." There was a brief, uncomfortable silence.

"Do schools deliberately provide squishy or juicy food items?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He waved a hand in the area surrounding us, which was covered with food that fit Jasper's description.

"Right. I don't know. Perhaps the food people wanted people to indulge in at least one food fight in school."

"Assholes."

"Tisk, tisk, Jasper. You hardly _ever _curse."

"Meah. Whatever. I've picked up a few things." A glop of pudding fell through the cracks of the table, landing somewhere on my hair.

"Aren't you going to do anything about that?"

"What's the point? I didn't bother doing anything special with my hair today, not to mention that it already has a lot of stuff in it."

"I'm bored; I'll think I'll go to sleep."

"How can you sleep through the sounds of this mayhem?"

"Acquired skills."

"This has to be the weirdest conversations we've ever had."

"Damn straight." A lob of gravy fell with a plop on my head. I sighed.

"God, I hate food fights. My hair is not meant to take on the characteristics of gravy."

"Always so vain, aren't you?"

"I try."

"You know what's just occurred to me?"

"No Jasper, I do not. Please, allow me the chance to be bored out of my mind as you tell me what you have finally realized."

"Couldn't today be one of your rare 'Be Nice Today' days?"

"No, much too boring for that." A familiar voice, increased tenfold, suddenly ripped through the chaos:

"What in God's green Earth is going on here?!"

"**Now **he comes," I whispered in irritation, rolling my eyes. Jasper's face mirrored my own.

Everything went dead silent for a moment. Then-

"I was just eating lunch when-"

"-and then a drumstick hit me in the eye! I think-"

"-one of those Cullen kids got jell-o all over my cashmere sweater! I-"

"-retaliated only because Alice threw a ball of mashed potatoes in my eye-"

"-there is pudding all over my new Gucci shoes-"

"-and it's beginning to bruise-"

"-I don't think my skin should be this shade of purple-"

"-so I think my arm's dislocated but-"

"-I slipped, falling into-"

"-Bella and Alice were locked in some form of battle-"

"-I believe they started the fight-"

"-and then Emmett started sliding about-"

"**Silence**," Mr. Schnapzotailierisapimpinyo (or whatever his name is) bellowed. The cafeteria was silent once more.

"First of all, who can tell me who started the food fight?"

"It was Alice!" Ai, poor Emmett. I'll have to protect him from Alice for the next three days.

"Shut up Emmett! It wasn't me! All of this is Bella's fault!"

"Mr. Cullen, who threw the first item of food?"

"As Emmett said, it was Alice." I could hear the wince and reluctance in Edward's answer.

"But Bella provoked me!"

"Is this true, Ms. Swan?"

"Hey, all I said is that she _may _be a few fries short of a happy meal."

"Oh, because that's not provocation at all. Ms. Swan, Ms. Cullen, Mr. and Ms. Hale, come with me. The rest of you have a week of detention." We followed him out of the cafeteria, just the slightest bit wary.

* * *

"I can't believe you got off scot-free!"

"You could have waited _after _school to murder Bella."

"But! She! Started! It!"

"There's no need to murder me; you are rather insane. That's what gives you your Aliceness."

"Stop attempting to mollify me."

"Girls, be nice," Jasper warned.

"As fond as I am of the two of you, I will kick you out of my car if necessary. I just replaced the leather yesterday. Oh, by the way, Alice, I would much appreciate it if you don't try to kill Emmett."

"Ohkay, fine. Sorry."

"That was easy."

Longish silence.

"Say, why are you taking me home?"

"First of all, if we left you alone with Edward, who knows what could have happened? Anyway, Edward doesn't know that Charlie's temporarily left town."

"Why?"

"Something about a big fishing competition up north or something. I wasn't paying attention. Now that we've covered that, tell us : how do you feel about your sentences?"

"Stupid asshole! What right does he have giving-nay, _sentencing-_me to three week's detention?!"

"Hey, don't forget me!"

"Shut your face, Bella, this is all your fault!"

"My fault? How is it-"

"Yes your fault!"

"You threw the potatoes at me!"

"Yes, well, if you didn't make that comment about my mental health-"

"But it's true!" Alice and Bella stared down each other with murder in their eyes.

"Children," I stepped in with, careful to give my words a deliberately patronizing timbre, "don't fight. Remember the news about that lovely school dance that was announced over the intercom?" Bella groaned.

"I can't believe that attendance is mandatory. I'm going to end up in the hospital, treated by Carlisle for something stupid, like, oh, I don't know. Shards of glass embedded into my skin?"

"No need to be so macabre; This should be fun!" I reveled in the clear discomfort I was causing her.

"I think I'll skip school that day."

"If you do, I'll tell Charlie," I sang.

"You're not making this any easier, Rosalie."

"Aww, wipe that frown off your face, Bella!"

"You're strangely happy. Did someone run over puppies while you were waiting for us?"

"Can't a girl simply be happy?"

"Not you. You only smile when something sinister happened."

"Rosalie, it seems you were wrong. You can't be nice," Jasper teased.

"Aw, we all know that's not true. I can be nice sometimes."

"We've yet to witness any such occasions."

"I could say the same about your moments of sanity, Alice." I looked back to smirk at her as she sneered.

"Can you please keep your eyes on the road? I would rather not die."

"Taking issue with my driving, are you? By the way, sorry, no, I can't keep my eyes on the road. This is much more fun."

"Stop that! Oh God, tomorrow, people are going to find our mangled remains in the bottom of a ravine, being ravaged by mountain lions and the like."

"No need to be so dramatic."

"Oh, please, I don't think she has issue with your driving. She's just ticked off that Edyuardo isn't here to protect her from me."

"I can protect myself!"

"You can't even handle wrapping paper."

"I don't know how it ended up cutting my wrist! Who knew-

"Lovely as my memories of that time are, we should probably be getting out of the car about now."Alice, Jasper, and Bella filed out of my car to allow me to put it in the garage. As I strode towards the door, a large, black shadow, fast as one of Alice's fastballs jumped on me. I began to scream, but a hand clamped down on my mouth. I bit one of the large fingers, and my attacker released his iron grip on my mouth, shaking his hand. Only when he began to yelp in pain did I recognize Emmett.

"Oh fuck! Ow, Goddammit! Son of a bitch! Shit! Damn!"

"Emmett?! What the flying fuck were you doing, leaping about and jumping on me in the dark!?"

"Ow, shit! You bite hard, did you know that, darling? Damn. Anyway, ow, I've been waiting for you in the garage since you, damn, left with Jasper to pick up Alice and, ow, Bella. I didn't want Alice to cause me bodily harm so I, crap, decided to wait for you, allowing me to, fuck, hide behind you."

"Nice to know love was in the equation."

"Rosalie, I would've met you at the door anyway."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, you foolish girl." Even in his pain, he managed a girk (it's a smirk and a grin, people).

"Oh shoot! How's the hand, oh boyfriend of mine?"

"I don't believe I'll ever regain the use of it." He took his right hand, placed it palm-side up over his forehead, pretending to swoon. I giggled at his antics. Only Emmett could bring this out of me.

"Somehow, I think you will," I replied with a cheeky grin. Emmett grinned back, slinging his arm around my shoulder.

"I wonder, though..."

"Yes, darling Rosie dear?"

"How did you hide here without me noticing?"

"Rose. Please. This garage is the size of Bella's house," he said, adding an eye roll to his statement.

"Don't be mean; it's not her fault her dad isn't a doctor and she doesn't have a sister who has a rather uncanny ability at predicting trends in the stock market."

"True, true, indeed," Emmett chuckled.

"Come on, Emmett. Let's go in before everyone else suspects us of having romantic rendezvous in the garage of all places." Very quickly, Emmett pushed me gently against the Jeep, pinning my hands above my head with one hand while the other hand wrapped itself around my waist.

"You know, the garage can be quite a romantic place." Emmett's hand, previously on my waist, started caressing my face.

"Oh yes, very romantic. After all, the faint smell of rubber is **such **a turn on. Now, get off me, you big goof." Emmett released my hand, an exaggerated pout on his face.

"Aw, you never let me have any fun."

"You try dealing with a murderous Alice and an argumentative Bella for thirty minutes."

"Point taken. Can we, ahem, have fun later?" I winked saucily at him before replying.

"If you're still alive tomorrow morning."

* * *

**Ahem, ahem, time for le author's note! Ohkay, first of all, Rosalie and Emmett are not involved sexually (i think). He justs means snogging (nothing beyond first place since I'm such a prude). Second thing, the ending probably doesn't make sense. All Rosalie means is that Alice may or may not be making a surprise visit in the middle of the night (cuz thts when things are most scary, right? I'm so cliche). Weak ending, but I kinda like this chapter. ANYWAY, time for acknowledgements: to theninjafrommars and Aliya Regatti for being the 55th and 60th reviewer, respectively, MaZzA-123 for being the 20th favoriter adder person, and welcome back, papierblumen -sparklers go off-! Ohkay, the time is currently 3:21 in the morning, so I'll stop the author's note now before it ends up longer than my story. (:**

**love,**

**abroadwayluver**


	17. 15: Bella

**Rated high-T for annoyingly lengthy room detailing, confusing conversations, reproductive organs exercise machines ****and general inappropriateness****.**

* * *

I followed Alice and Rosalie upstairs, wary of what was going to happen to me. Alice wanted to rip my metaphorical balls off (I assure you, I am entirely female), while Rosalie and I built a tentative friendship with a semi-firm foundation built on torturing Alice/exchanging acerbic words.

"So..."

"So what?"

"So why hasn't Alice killed me yet?"

"Because Alice is thinking."

"Ohkay, why is Alice referring to herself in the third person?"

"Because Alice feels like it."

"Well, Bella thinks Alice is a freak."

"Alice says 'who's the freak now?'"

"Bella thinks you are."

"Oh, is that so?"

"Damn straight."

"Well-"

"Well...vaginas!" We all wheeled around to look at Rosalie.

"Who yelled vaginas?"

"Now's not the time, Emmett." Emmett discarded Alice's advice and bounded up the stairs to meet us.

"Why the hell did you scream out vaginas?"

"Because I am female."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Why do men scream 'penis?'"

"Where are you going with this? By the way, we scream penis for the simple fact that it's fun."

"If guys get to scream out penis, girls should be able to scream out vagina."

"Can we please stop talking about reproductive parts?"

"No, because your bikini needs Bowflex." This time, the wheeling was done by Emmett, Alice and Rosie, with them facing me. Their faces showed very deep levels of confusion.

"Now what does _that _have to do with anything?" I shrugged.

"This conversation was getting pretty random."

"...Ohkay."

"Hey, wait a second!" I was wondering who's clothes I would have to borrow tonight.

"What, do Emmett's boxers require an elliptical machine," Alice inquired mockingly.

"What's an elliptical machine?"

"Uhm, I don't know." Jasper now joined us on the stairs.

"It's the exercise machine that you walk on that isn't a treadmill," Edward explained from behind me, scaring me. I jumped a foot in the air but was caught by Edward. I flushed and kissed him on the cheek. He let go of me, smirking.

"But there are a lot of exercise machines that require walking, but aren't treadmills or elliptical machines." How Emmett knew this but still had yet to know what an elliptical machine escaped me.

"How did we get on the subject of exercise machines?"

"Alice and Bella were arguing, so Rosalie screamed out vaginas, them Emmett went up, explaining why some men scream out penis, then Bella said Alice's bikini required Bowflex and told everyone to hold on, then Alice said that Emmett's boxers need an elliptical machine, and then you came and gave a very incomplete explanation," Jasper said in one breath.

"Oh...kay? Sorry I asked. Now will someone explain why my girlfriend was kidnapped, please?" Edward slung an arm around my shoulders, and I felt a blush appear on my face, along with the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.

_No Isabella! You do **not** like Edward! You hate him, even if you may have told Emmett and Jasper and everyone else that you like him!_

**So why am I doing this?**

_Doing what?_

**Pretending to go out with him?**

_Uhm...I'll get back to you on that._

**So I do like Edward!**

_No you don't! Stop saying that or I'll be forced to strangle you!_

**How are you going to do that?**

_How do most people strangle other people?_

**But we aren't people. Plus, if you strangle me physically, you'll end up killing yourself.**

_Shut up! Stop being a smart ass!_

**Suicidal and homicidal figment of my imagination which belongs to Bella!**

I returned to the conversation, all the while disturbed by my mini-conflict.

"...How am I supposed to sleep over if I don't have any clothes?"

"Oh, that. Problem solved. I broke into your house," Rosalie answered brightly. I stared blankly at her.

"As long as everything has been taken care of," I replied weakly.

"Wait wait wait!"

"What, Eddiepuss?" Alice sure does love her nicknames for Edward. I may have to borrow that one, however.

"Jasper! You forgot to tell me about Eddiepuss!"

"That's not a story you need to hear, love."

"Are we getting wrapped up in another stupid conversation?"

"Yes, Rosalie."

"**OHKAY! CAN WE GO BACK TO WHAT EDWARD WAS SAYING?**"

"Annoyed by the conversations, Emmett dear?"

"Indeed, Rosie."

"**As I was saying previously**, why did you kidnap Bella?"

"Charlie left town, so she has to sleep over."

"And Charlie, Mom, and Dad all agreed to this?"

"Of course Esme and Carlisle agreed. They don't have an issue with Jasper and myself being in close proximity with Alice and Emmett respectively, do they?"

"Point taken, but how did Charlie agree to this?"

"Edward, we've only been going out for a day. As fast as gossip travels around here, I don't think he knows about us," I reminded. Things would be so awkward when Charlie came back, what with him asking questions about my stay at the Cullen's house, while I was going out with their youngest, teenaged son. Imagine the conversations...

_"Hey Bells. So I heard that you and Edwin have been going out for a while now..."_

_"It's Edward, Dad, and we've been going out since yesterday."_

_"You mean when you were sleeping over at his house?"_

_"Yes... Where are you going with this?"_

_"Uhm, this is going to be sufficiently awkward for both of us, so I'll cut to the chase: did you and Edmund-"_

_"Dad! One day! We've only been going out for one day! I trust you, my hormones are not as excitable as you think."_

_"Bells, I know teenage boys. I'm just saying, be careful with Edward-"_

_"Mom already gave me this talk."_

_"But not when you had a boyfriend-"_

_"Look, I think you can trust me."_

_"But I'm just saying..."_

And it goes on and on and on, a never-ending whirlpool of awkwardness.

"Does anyone else think James sounds like a sexual name," I blurted out, breaking the chain of thoughts in my head.

"What?"

"Doesn't it remind you of a pedophiliac type name?"

"No."

"But...it does! It sounds like the name a guy in a dirty bar would use to pick up random 14 year old girls that have no business in a bar."

"Ignoring that...where are Carlisle and Esme," Jasper asked.

"Getting their groove on."

"Lots of turning around to look at people today," I remarked as we turned around to look at Rosalie.

"What do you mean, 'getting their groove on'?"

"Getting your groove on is slang for many things. It can mean to dance or to have sexual relations."

"...So what are Esme and Carlisle supposed to be doing?"

"Hold up. Did everyone just mentally see..."

"...mom and dad..."

"...getting it on?"

A few minutes of uncomfortable silence passed, filled with rather X-rated thoughts.

"I think Alice, Rosalie and I will just continue on our merry way to Alice's room, if you don't mind." I had to get out of there. The silence was deafening. Which was ironic, really. Silence being deafening. Would that not imply that silence is actually noisy and loud?

"Oh, you're not going to Alice's room. Tonight we're staying in my room!" Alice moaned.

"Is God determined to make this the worst day ever for me?"

"What are you talking about?" What was so bad about Rosalie's room?

"You'll see soon." We continued walking up the stairs towards Rosalie's elusive room. Rosalie opened the mahogany door to reveal the room in question. The room was certainly not what I expected, but still had an air of Rosalie about it.

The walls were painted in a soft charcoal grey. A shiny brown leather sofa with several black throw pillows resided at the of the four-poster bed. The bed itself was magnificent. Its headboard was upholstered with the same brown leather found on the sofa. I counted a total of eight pillows. All of the pillows were plain black, but four of them had satin trimming, and one had a large brown leather stripe going down the middle of it. Along with the duvet, there were three blankets. Thanks to my many forced shopping trips with Alice, I realized that they were made of alpaca and cashmere.

Next to the bed was a nightstand resembling a black leather, cube-shaped suitcase. In front of the sofa was a square glass coffee table, which had a 32 by 72 inch flat panel T.V. Adjacent to the coffee table was a black chair with a large silver pillow. Next to the bed was a rosewood (haha, Rosalie, rosewood. Geddit? Ohkay, shutting up now) dresser and **another **goddamn chair, upholstered with brown leather, decorated with a black throw pillow. I normally wouldn't describe a room in such detail, but Rosalie's room was simply amazing.

"Ralph Lauren, Modern Metropolis collection," Rosalie said in a smug voice.

"Yes, the collection I wanted," Alice muttered.

"Alice, I don't understand why you don't like this room. It's amazing!"

"Mary's just mad that I got the bigger room," Rosalie gloated.

"Aw, Rosie, don't hurt Alice's feelings," I snickered. What a stupid thing to be jealous of!

"Can we just get started on the sleepover type things," Alice complained. I felt my body go rigid; I wasn't in the mood for makeovers and the usual this night.

"What, you mean makeovers and stuff," Rosalie asked for me.

"No. We've tortured Bella enough with that." I relaxed; what bad could happen?

"Let's try something new," Alice continued. I was wary once more.

"This isn't going to be anything stupid like a truth-or-dare marathon, is it? We can't skip school tomorrow, or else we'll have an extra day of detention," I reminded Alice. Her face fell ever so slightly.

"No, no," Rosalie said.

"Oh, good."

"Don't worry, Bela Badia cheese dear." Rosalie patted my back as a reassuring gesture before continuing:

"Your torture begins tomorrow." Well how am I supposed to sleep now?

* * *

**Don't you love filler chapters! This was all for papierblumen, who asked for more BxE (which is really the focus of the story, so why I don't write from their perspectives more often, haven't the foggiest). So! Five people to acknowledge tonight : ABroadwayLvr for being an overall nag who forced me to add her to the thanking list/review team even tho she doesn't do anything (and for not spoiling Breaking Dawn-that much), Maureen B. for being the 65th reviewer, ashel-13 for first having the "Bikini-Bowflex" thing, LolliliciousLolly and her youtube vid about Jame's pedophilic ways, and SmokeyFiizz and her "Spunk Ransoms Truth" vid for the "Eddiepuss" thing. Speaking of ABroadwayLvr, her Harry Potter fanfic (she only has one) needs some of YOUR help (so go help her). If you -do- help, you get a virtual cookie/brownie/cake/desert of your choice. Right now, it is...1:55 in the morning, so I'll see you guys later.**

**Love, **

**abroadwayluver**


	18. 16: Bella with a twist

**Hiya guys...Ohkay, so this chapter is dedicated to papierblumen who sent me a hell of a long-ass review which I had to read several times before I finally understood it (and who you have to thank for reminding me of the edward-bellaness!), and to theninjafrommars for inadvertently causing my death by giggle-fit (and who you also have to thank for the eddie-bellaness!).**

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I was currently in the midst of a very interesting dream. I was in a bar, where the totally hot Robert Pattinson was playing his guitar and singing. I noted that Rob looked a bit like Edward. Anyway, Rob's shirt was left open, showing off all his presumed deliciously defined muscles. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to my level, and began to kiss him.

"Well Bella, as..._pleasant _as this awakening is, I think we had better start getting ready for school instead." My eyes flew open and I let out a bloodcurdling shriek.

"Holy fuck! What just happened!?" My breathing quickly turned into hyperventilation. How-what-**ARGH**! Why the fuck am I in Edward's bed? Why is Edward half-naked? What kinda sick joke is this!?

"Oh my god, Oh my God, Oh my holy frigging god!"

"Stop hurting my feelings. Am I that bad of a kisser?"

"No, Edward, you're fantastic actually." I took my daily daily dose of vitamin blush as my words caught up with me.

**No need to feed his ego, Bella.**

_Bugger off. In case you can't tell, I'm kinda in the middle of a dilemma. _

Edward smirked.

"Oh, fantastic, is that so?"

"Don't flatter yourself; that was a reflex reaction," I lied. I pulled the gold covers over my head, but Edward ripped them right off of me.

"Reflex reaction? Do you say that to every boy you kiss?" His customary breezy laugh came off as a bit uneasy. I arched my eyebrows before responding.

"Does it matter?"

"Well, yes it does. After all, I _am _your boyfriend..." The now familiar butterflies revisited me. _Stop thinking of that, Bells. You're not really going out with him,_ I mentally scolded.

"Correction: you're _pretending _to be my boyfriend." Edward's face was suddenly dangerously close to my own. the butterflies fluttered faster than ever.

"Maybe I'm not pretending anymore." He quickly drew back and left the room with a unfathomable expression on his face, leaving me alone and confused.

* * *

I stormed into Rosalie's room, hoping to find answers to my latest batch of questions.

"Mary Alice frickin' Cullen!"

"Isabella Marie frickin' Swan! Yes?"

"Why the hell did I wake up in your brother's bed?!" Alice furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Ohkay, clearly you don't know. Rosalie!"

"To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your dulcet tones at 5 in the morning?"

"As I asked Alice, why the fucking hell did I wake up in Edward's bed?!"

"You didn't ask Alice that; I believe the word 'fucking' and 'Edward' was not in use in the original question, though I wouldn't be surprised if that's what happened between you two last night. Some of the noises..." Rosalie trailed off smugly.

"Rosalie!" So not in the mood.

"What can I do for you?"

"Why did I wake up up in my boyfriend's bed," I asked through gritted teeth.

"It could be the same reason I'm here," Emmett called out from under a mound of pillows.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Oh, Bella. Tell me that _you're _not scared of rats too."

"What? What the hell do rats have to do with anything? By the way, to answer your question, no, I am _not_ scared of rats."

"I came here in the middle of the night because I heard rats scurrying around in my room." There was a long silence before I fell to the floor in a heap, laughing hysterically. Emmett Cullen, scared of rodents and the like? Ha!

"Why's Bella laughing?"

"You don't ask why she's on the floor, Jazzie?"

"No, Alice, love. I'm too used to it by now." I sent a dirty look in Jasper's direction in between, who replied with a smirk and a shrug.

"I am laughing, and on the floor, because I learned that Emmett is scared of rodents." Jasper gave a sly laugh when Emmett scowled at me.

"Hear rats again last night, Emmett?"

"How did you know?"

"Because I was the rat." A pillow flew through the air, almost hitting Jasper in the face before Jasper grabbed it.

"Bastard!"

"Aww, mad, Emmett-poo?"

"I'm not sure. Do mad people attempt to rip other people a new asshole?"

"Emmett, Emmett. Let's not have such language around such a lovely girl as my own," a velvety voice chided. Once again, my shoulders were surrounded by Edward's arm.

"You're kidding me, right? Earlier, Bella's cursing made me blush like, well, for lack of a better example, Bella." I stuck my tongue out childishly at Emmett.

"What did you do to induce such foul-mouthedness from my sweet, perfect angel?" I overdosed on vitamin blush again. I was no angel compared to the rest of the Cullen/Hales.

"_I _didn't do anything. I think it was Rosalie."

"Of course."

"What do you mean, '_of course_'?"

"I mean, '_of course_ _this is your fault__ as this would be the kind of evil thing you would do_'."

"I wouldn't go so far as to call it _evil_. Maybe iniquitous or reprobate, but not _evil_."

"Iniquitous and reprobate mean the same as evil, but I digress; what did you do with my girlfriend?"

"Iniquitous and reprobate aren't as _common _as evil, but I digress as well; I didn't do anything to Bella except move her to your room." To my synchronous surprise and unsurprise, Edward chuckled. He does that a lot, it seems.

"Can't say I'm mad at you now. It was a very welcome surprise." My face heated as it always does during such occasions. Nice to know that somethings never change.

"Hey, you know we have school in two and fifteen minutes, right," I said, trying to get off the subject of where I slept last night.

"Oh shit! There's almost no time left to do my hair!" Rosalie sped out of her room into the adjoining bathroom. Emmett, Alice, Edward and I very nearly laughed our posterior regions off when Jasper ran off to do the same thing. I'm serious, I think I've lost 200 calories from that session.

"Guys, I think we should follow their brilliant example and get dressed," Emmett said.

"Bella, let's go to my room," Alice suggested

"Why?"

"Rosalie forgot to get you clothes for school."

"So?"

"So you need to get clothes."

"Can't I just go back home?"

"Nope; I would **love **it if you went to school looking like a normal person instead of a hobo for once."

"Oh thanks Alice. It's nice to know that you have such confidence in my ability to dress myself."

"Yeah yeah yeah." Alice rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, leading me to her familiar Parisian style room. I sat on the bed, not bothering with attempting to pick out my own outfit. I knew Alice would find some issue with it.

"What do you think of this outfit?" Alice held out a long white-and-navy striped cardigan, a dark brown tank top, dark-rinsed skinny jeans, and a brown pair of knee-high boots. To my genuine surprise, I loved her choice, but was wary of the boots. The heels were three-inches high. There was no way I would survive an hour in those shoes.

"Actually, Alice, I like it, but we'll have to get rid of the boots."

"Why?" Alice pouted at me.

"Because by the end of the day, your dad will be fixing the broken leg I got from tripping in those shoes."

"Fine," Alice said as she rolled her eyes and rummaged through her expansive closet only to find a brown pair of brown, lace-less converse (converse? converses?).

"What about these shoes?"

"Better. I won't trip as much anyway."

"Get dressed already then!"

"Yes, ma'am." Shockingly, all of the clothes fit me. They also looked suspiciously unused.

"Alice?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you have clothes in my size?"

"Emergencies."

"You scare me, you know that?"

"Indeed, I do. Now wait here." After flipping through the pages of some magazine which displayed abnormally skinny woman in ethereal clothes, Alice stepped out, wearing a t-shirt with The Who logo, skinny jeans, black suede booties, and a hoodie with the Rolling Stones logo. Silly Alice. I was confident in my knowledge that Alice would be the first person to know that her suede shoes would be ruined by all the predictable rain.

"Feeling band-y today?"

"There's never a wrong time to wear a band shirt."

"Right-o."

"Since we're finished, let's get going."

"What about breakfast?"

"Oh yeah. We'll stop by Dunkin' Donuts."

"Because nothing screams healthy breakfast like a glazed donut and coffee."

"Let's just go already."

"Kay." We walked down the stairs to meet...no one. Did we really spend that much time in Alice's room? Anyway, where was Edward? We were supposed to be keeping up this whole charade together.

_Who says it's a charade anymore?_

**Oh, not you again.**

_Come on, Izzy-bee. You know you wish it wasn't a charade anymore._

**Weren't you telling me yesterday that I "hate" Edward?**

_Well you wouldn't listen._

**So now it's my fault? Anyway, don't call me Izzy-bee.**

_Of course it's your fault. It can never be my fault. By the way, I think I'll continue calling you Izzy-bee._

**Why am I arguing with you? You're just a part of Bella's overactive imagination.**

_So are you._

**So she's arguing with herself?**

_Spot on._

**Does that mean that she's crazy?**

_Her best friend is Alice Cullen; whadya think?_

"Hey, Alice isn't that crazy!"

"Uhm, thanks for defending me, but there's no one here." Alice looked like she very much wanted to send me to a mental asylum. Oops. I guess I was thinking out loud again.

"About that, why _isn't _anyone here?"

"From the sounds of it, they're still showering and stuffs." From the sounds of it? What the fuck? There was only dead silence.

"Oh-kay."

"Yeah...Let's get going already."

"But what about the others?"

"You mean what about Edward?" I flushed red once more.

"He _is _my boyfriend," I replied in defense.

"He can wait. Come on. It seems every time we talk, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, or someone else is always around. Let's just have Bella and Alice time." Nodding my assent, we walked into the garage.

"Who's car are we going to take?" The Cullens typically didn't flaunt their wealth around, so I wondered how everyone else would go to school if we took the Volvo. The one time they took Rosalie's convertible, it had taken nearly ten minutes for them to walk through the crowd of boys surrounding the crowd. This fact was particularly shocking as their could only be about 180 boys at Forks High School.

"Mine, of course."

"Feeling brave?"

"As always." The crooked smile Alice gave in my direction was shockingly similar to Edward's famous smile, which led me on the beaten path of my thoughts. But I wouldn't allow myself to think of Edward just yet. I crawled into the passenger of the yellow Porsche, which I hadn't ridden in until now. Used to Edward's Volvo and Emmett's Jeep, the Porsche was a new, strange experience.

"Ahh, hello, my baby. It's been a long time."

"When was the last time you rode in it?"

"I think Friday night?"

"To go where?" Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"It's like you don't know me, Bella! I'll give you a clue: it's one of my usual haunts."

"The mall," I queried in a monotone voice. Why doesn't she just buy a mall already?

"Of course the mall!"

"Alice, we were out until 11 that night."

"Your point?" I sighed and shook my head. Alice grinned at me, her white teeth glinting in the unexpected sunlight as we made our way out of the garage.

"There is never a wrong time for shopping, Isabella. In fact, instead of school..."

"No!" The heartbreakingly beautiful grin grew larger still.

"It's insanely fun, messing with your head."

"Oh, something's insane all right," I mumbled. Alice just continued smiling.

"You're happy today," I noted.

"Well, we've been off to a great start: Your fiasco with Edward-" I groaned and this point, but allowed her the courtesy of continuing.

"-Rosalie's vanity, you actually wearing an outfit I chose for you-"

"It's not like I had a chance persuading you otherwise," I joked. "But seriously, thanks for the jacket-sweater thing. It's insanely soft and warm." Even though the temperature was only in the upper 50's, it felt as if I was back in Phoenix-sorta. The rare sunlight peeking out at us through all the vegetation only helped the bubble of elation slowly developing in me.

"You know Alice, I think you're right."

"I'm always right, Bella, but what am I right about this time?" I laughed freely, the bubble swelling up dramatically.

"We _have _been off to a good start today. Even your manic driving at 100 miles per hour to go to Dunkin' Donuts can't bring me down."

"That's the spirit Bells." We continued our lighthearted conversation on the way to Dunkin' Donuts.

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**James Pov (!!)**

Oh look, she's finally leaving the Cullen house. Even through the dark windows of the other girl's Porsche, I could recognize the goddess's beauty anywhere. Despite the other girl's - what was her name? Alice, I believe - insane driving, there was no mistaking Isabella Swan for some common girl like _Jessica Stanley._ I quickly revved up my car's engine and followed them closely, only about 20 miles slower than them. Therefore, no way could Alice or Bella accuse me of following them. Which I wasn't. I just happened to be going to the same place they were...wherever that was.

Alice - I'm pretty sure that's her name - gradually reduced her speed to seventy miles per hour, and soon (of course, at the speed she was going) reached an intersection on Main Street. She went left, and I found myself following the girls to Dunkin' Donuts. They got out of the yellow Porsche and walked into the fast-food place.

"Ohkay James, you can do this. Get your A-Game on."

I walked into the restaurant, trying not to lose any confidence. Finally, after nearly three months of loving from afar, here was my chance to ask out Bella. I had heard rumors about her new relationship with Edward Cullen, but I brushed them off for what they were - rumors. Surely Bella, sweet, lovely Bella, with her amaranthine blush, wouldn't settle for someone as like _Edward Cullen._ He could _hardly _be considered heterosexual; much too pretty.

I, on the other hand, was **perfect **for Isabella. Sure, I wasn't brawny, but I was told to be very charming and intelligent; Beautiful Bella couldn't **possibly **someone with those traits, right? I shook my head, glued a winnign smile to my face, and went to tap Bella on the shoulder.

"Hey, Bella." Bella whipped around, her hair momentarily forming a halo around her. I was dazzled by the sight of her exquisite looks for a second, then remembered my mission.

"Uhm. Hi. I'm sorry, I don't know you." Even in her confusion, she was still lovely as ever, her pert little nose scrunched up cutely. My smile relaxed a bit.

"Oh, I'm James. I go to Forks High School, senior class."

"Oh! You're in my drama class, right?"

"Mhmm." I switched into that horrid class only when I heard the new girl was taking out. The class was quintessentially hell, but to be with Bella made it the tiniest bit better.

"Yeah."

"So, Bella, I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"How do you feel about watching that movie Mamma Mia! with me?" I normally wouldn't watch a movie with annoyingly catchy songs, but I would do anything for Bella. Bella's face flushed ravishingly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Cullen girl shaking with laughter. My face slowly fell into a frown. _She couldn't reject me, right?_

"Uhm, James, I would love-" She said love!

"-to go out with you, but, well, the thing is, I'm kinda dating Edward Cullen." My entire world fell apart at that moment.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"It's ohkay. I understand."

An uneasy silence fell between us. Bella then looked down at her watch.

"Oh, Alice, we better get going. Only 20 minutes until class."

"Yeah, that's a good idea."

"See you later James," Bella called as she walked out of the restaurant.

"Yeah, later," I said quietly. I went back to my car without buying anything. As I drove to school, I started thinking. All this was Edward's fault! I progressively grew angrier, and lusted after sweet revenge.

"Edward Cullen, you will rue the day you took Bella Swan from me!"

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**WARNING! SUPERLONG AUTHOR'S NOTE. READ IT!**

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**Oh God. What's James gonna do now?!**

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**Ahem, ahem. Correction to the above author's note which was written yesterday: this chapter is dedicated to my current review team (enter the song _When I Grow Up_): ****papierblumen (who is super-dedicated and responsible for most of teh happenings of teh chapter), theninjafrommars (who makes me laugh. a lot. her latest review had my mother ask me what I was choking on (but in true mother form, she didn't check on me d:)), bellaXXtheXXklutz (extra kudoz for reviewing "_New Beginning_", my side project), LisaMackXx, ABroadwayLvr (who's on the team for no reason other than the fact that she's a complete nag), and our newest member, Aliya Regatti! She has reviewed (looks at review page/stats) 3 chapters of this story, _New Beginning, The Demise of Emmett Cullen's Eyebrows_, and even _Tomatoes_, which is my worst work! Did I mention she's a great writer to boot? I'm sorry guys, but she's beaten you up to a pulp (in the review-y type way anyway. I've read theninjafrommars, LisaMackXx and ABroadwayLvr's work, and it's all pretty dang good. Now if only bellaXXtheXXklutz wood get over her writer's block and papierblumen wood finish a story :P . Don't worry guys. We're rooting for yas).**

**Also to be mentioned in el dedicacion is a special girl who is pretty damn special herself. She's only been a member since 8/05 (yesterday for me, maybe you too?) but already, she's read SIXTY chapter's worth of fanfiction (those are only her favs!). Oh, and the word count to all those chapters? According to my calculator, 121,121 words. First of all, WHOA! SPEED READER! I probably coodn't accomplish all that, and I pride myself on being a fast reader! Second of all, this girl has added me and my story to her favs, story/author alerts, AND reviewed! AMAZING! Her name? haleighrose7. Also, she was the 70th reviewer. Great accomplishment (; Keep this up, and you'll be added to el Review-o Team-o soon (:**

**But we're not finished yet. Also to be mentioned is: Maureen B. for being the 45th story alert adder person (sorry I didn't thank you until today)!**

**One more thing: ABroadwayLvr needs some help with her HP story, _10 ways to impress a pretty girl_. If you do help, I'll give you a free cookie basket (or a slice of Edward flavor cake depending who you are (;)! If you don't get them, blame WALMART (who has yet to send me my _pre-ordered_ copy of _Breaking Dawn_!). Or the USPS. W/e. Seriously, it's her birthday today (8/06)  
**

**Ohkay, this author's note is nearly as long as the chapter.**

**Finally, after two days and countless times trying to finish this chapter, I am DONE! Wooo! 4:21 a.m. as usual!**

**Oh yeah, by the way? Over 5000 reads! Wh-hoo!**

**Much love,**

**abroadwayluver**


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